There Are Worse Things I Could Do

Chapter 93: Two Years Later

TRIGGERED WARNING. (Yes it's meant to be triggered to trigger)
Dan was completely healthy and so was everyone else. So you thought. Little did you know Phil was so depressed. He didn't show it a bit in his videos. Neither did he in real life. You wouldn't have known of you didn't find him in the bathroom with happy little pills in his hands.

Two days before. Phil's P.O.V
I'm done. I will never be good enough. (Y/N) and Dan have 20,000,000 subscribers. I only have 12,000,000. I'm not good enough. Nobody likes me as much as them. I'm not married. I have no kids. I thought about moving out of the flat. I just don't think I could live on my own. Dan is my other half.

"Hey Philly what's up?" (Y/N) says grabbing an apple off the counter.

"Oh nothing. Just thinking."

I was thinking about a lot more than she thinks. I should say 'oh just plotting my death how about you?' Obviously I'm not going to but it's what I'm thinking. I wanna break a pencil or something.

I head back to my room to think. My normal happy mood was completely gone. My body flops into the duvet and I start to sob. Dan will never love me. I'll never be good enough for YouTube. I'll never be wanted. I'll never have a family. I should just be dead.

One day before. Dan's P.O.V
I'm sure I heard Phil crying yesterday. I highly doubt that's what I heard. Phill never sad. He's always happy. But...then again, I haven't seen him much lately. He hasn't been coming down for dinner. He's fine I'm sure.

I head to my room to get my phone and I hear light sobs from behind Phil's door. Cold runs right through me. Phil never cries.

"Phil?"

"Dan?"

"I'm coming in."

I turn the nob on Phil's door and head in. My best friend was wrapped up in his green and blue duvet. His pale face was tear stained and red. I never seen him like this. He looked as bad as I did in 2012.

"Phil what's wrong??" I ask sitting down next to him.

He just sobs more and buried his face in my chest. I didn't know what to do. Normally it's the other way around. I feel Phil's tears soak through my tee shirt. All I could do is rub his back.

"Dan----I can't stop crying." Phil says between sobs.

I bring him closer and onto my lap. He keeps his face hidden in my shoulder. His bum is on my left leg and his feet hang off the bed. He's like a child but 6 feet tall. I wish he would tell me what's wrong but I don't want to pry.

An hour goes by and he continues to sob. I feel kind of useless. All I can be is his shoulder to cry on. Literally. Suddenly I notice Phil fell asleep. Poor Phil. It looks like he has lent slept for days. The bags under his eyes look like L's from death note. Actually he looks just like him.

There was a time a long long time ago, I was in love with Phil. 2009. The day I met him. I was in love with him. But ever since I never loved a guy again. Not even attracted to them. I feel like I should have told (Y/N) but I feel like she'd leave. But before I met her I slowly started falling in love with Phil. It went away when I met her.

Your P.O.V
Dan has been gone for a while. Well he's in the house. You know that by you don't know where. You walk around and still no sign. Then you check Phil's room. You slowly open the door the see Phil in Dan's lap. A surge of jealousy surge through your body.

"What are you doing!?" You whisper yell.

Red flushes through Dan's face. Why is he blushing? What the fuck?

"He was bawling his eyes out. I didn't know what to do." He says back in the same tone.

Dan's cheeks were still tinged pink. What's going on? Did he like Phil or something?

"We need to talk. Now. Put Phil to bed." You say, your tone a bit sharper than you'd like

He gently moves Phil into the covers and comes to you. The pink in his cheeks make the jealousy run through you more.

"You like Phil." You spit.

His eyes widen. Could he really like Phil? No. This isn't right.

"I'm not gonna lie. In 2009 I was in love with Phil. But ever since I met you it went away. I promise, I love you and only you."

"You didn't deny it!"

You turn around quick and leave. You couldn't believe this. You were supposed to be happy together. Not like this. He's falling in love with Phil.

"(Y/N) wait please."

You keep walking. You couldn't even look at him. You knew Phan was real. How could they live together and not like each other. Dan played you. He took everything from you.

The day of. Phil P.O.V
I wake up alone. Just as expected. But I did t want Dan to ask me what's wrong. My day was planned today. This was my last day on earth. I didn't even say goodbye to my fans. They won't care very much anyway.

I head out to the lounge where Dan was sitting alone. He had no emotion.  Just blank.

"She's gone. She just left. She didn't even take anything with her. I had to lie to the kids. When they came home from nursery and school I just said she went out for a while."

"I'm sorry Dan."

I sit down next to him. His head lands on my shoulder. No tears. I have nothing to lose today anyway. I take his face in my hands and press my lips against his. His eyes widen at first but to my surprise he kisses back. Then he quickly pulls away.

"Phil, I can't. I'm married and I have kids."

I say nothing. He's right. That's the truth. The truth is one of the reasons why I'm gonna be dead in a hour.

"There are worse things I could do."

The words come out emotionless from his mouth. Then once again to my surprise he kisses me again. For 20 minutes we kiss. Just like we did years ago. But then I left. We were falling asleep but when he did I left. The pills the pills. Where are the pills.

It gets bad right here.

They were Dan's. He had then to make his heart stronger during the cancer treatments. I remember the doctors telling him to only take one a week because they were so strong. I was going to take them all.

I shut the bathroom door. I feel tears in my eyes but quickly wipe them away. I need to be brave for once in my life. I take the lid off the bottle and start popping pills.

My happy little pill, take me away. Dry my eyes bring colour to my skies.

After 10 I started getting dizzy. 20 I was on the ground. 22 I was out.

Your P.O.V

You come home and Dan's on the couch asleep. His lips look swollen. Probably form Phil sucking his face off. Your need to wee was so strong you ran to the bathroom. Honestly you'd rather wee yourself then find what you did.

Phil was on the ground. Lips blue and happy little pills on his hands.

"No..." You whisper.