There Are Worse Things I Could Do

Chapter 58: Thousands of Feet High

  Guys trigger warning. I'll write again when it comes in but I can't tel you what it is without spoiling. So if you're easily triggered don't read.
Phil did everything in his power to not look incredibly sick as you and the others boarded the plane. Some people looked at him in disgust. Wow America thanks for being rude. He doesn't have Ebola or something.

The flight home will be almost 9 hours. Poor Phil will have to suffer 9 more hours. Right now it's 10:30. You will be home around 7:45 on American time. That's midnight in London.

You put your carry on in the overhead compartment and sit down next to Dan he takes your hand and asks you softly,

"How are you doing?"

He's referring to the shooting. You don't quite know how it affected you. It was such a scary thing and you don't even know if you're going to go to Vidcon next year.

"Im fine right now." You say.

Deep down you're probably in shock. You go online real quick and check the deaths and injuries from the shooting.

80 people dead. Including youtubers
Alfie Deyes
Ollie white.

You knew of many of them. You watched each of their videos. Now they are gone. That's two relatively big Youtubers. That could have been you. You put your phone in airplane mode and into your bag.

**flight home is over and be your in a cab on the way home.**

Phil managed to keep his sneezes and coughs to a minimum on the flight back but now he was letting them all out. Dan kept rubbing Phil's back the whole time. He was such a good friend to him. Well actually they are really good friends to each other.

You finally arrive at the flat and everyone carries their bags to the lift because there was no way you were taking stairs. Once Dan unlocks the door, Phil runs in and leaves his bags in the kitchen. He goes up to his room without saying goodnight.

"I'm going to drop my stuff off in my flat." You say to Dan turning around.

"Okay when you're done come over. I want to talk to you about something." He replies.

(Y/F/N) should be home by now. you found it odd that she didn't even check on you after the shooting. Surely she heard about it. You get into your flat and call out for her.

"(Y/F/N)? I'm home! Where are you!!"

There was no response. You leave your stuff in the lounge and head upstairs. You peak in the guest room and your room. She wasn't there. As you get to hers, her door was shut with a note taped to it.

Here it is.

(Y/N) this is my suicide note.

Your whole body goes weak and you snatch the note off the door and open her door. She's not there. She wasn't in the bathroom either. Then you realise where she is.

You go to the end of the hall and run upstairs to the windowed room. She was on the floor with a gun in her hand. There was a small pool of blood around her head.

Your best friend killed themselves and you weren't home to save her. You start screaming. You didn't know what you were saying you just screamed. You laid your head on her stomach and kept screaming. There was another death that day. It was (Y/F/N).

Dan and Phil burst in and you look up. The look on their faces was unreadable. Dan kneels down and holds you as you sob. Phil looks almost as upset as you are. The worst part is she loved Phil more than anyone else in the world. You finally manage to contain yourself and read the note.

(Y/N) this is my suicide note.

It's okay that you won't find me till you get back from VidCon. I know you're going to be coming back even with the shooting.
There was something I didn't tell you or anyone. Only my parents found out. I have stage four brain cancer. I got diagnosed three weeks before we moved. I didn't want to tel you I had 6 months left. I knew I would die but at least I have a reason to now.
I couldn't take it anymore. I know this was our dream to move to London together and meet Dan And Phil. You got to be to successful and you would probably forget about me. You have Dan and he talked to me about marrying you. He loves you so much by the way. Almost as much as I loved Phil.
I didn't want to suffer anymore so I took a tour around London so it would be the last thing I see before I killed myself.
I have one last request, don't call my family or anyone at home. I honestly don't want Dan and Phil to know but there's no way around that. I wasn't going to let a tumour kill me. There are wore things I could do.
I love you (Y/N)
Xoxo (Y/F/N)

You put down the note. (y/f/n) had brain cancer? She killed herself out of heartbreak, sickness and you. She thought you would forget about her.

"Oh my god." You croak out. "What am I going to do?"

"You call 999." Dan whispers.

You look up and Phil just keeps staring at the body.

"Phil go rest we can take care of this." You order.

He turns around and heads back home. Dan pulled out his mobile and dials 999. You block him out on the phone explaining what went on. You wanted to cry, scream, punch but none of that would bring her back. Now you lost Aidan and (Y/F/N). Whose next!?

You go to the window that takes up the wall. London was dark but the lights from buildings flickered across the town. It calmed you down. (Y/F/N) was sick. She was going to die in a few days anyway. She just did it herself. That in a way makes it all right. That's what she wanted you to think about this.