There Are Worse Things I Could Do

Chapter 44: Run- Part one

You wait till you hear Dan walk out of your room, down the stairs and back to his flat. After the long wait you head downstairs. Are you really running? Yes. Yes you are. Dan is falling apart though. Are you going to leave him too? You decide not to answer that.

You pull a Nike gym bag out of your closet. It's small kind of like a knapsack. You get some clothes for al weather because who knows how long you will be gone. Maybe you won't come back. You grab a north face jacket you had from home and put it on. No regrets. You collect your phone and charger also getting your wallet. There's no need for a laptop and other things.

There's only two more things that need to be done. After that you can leave. Never come back. You grab your laptop and upload your last video. It was recorded earlier but never posted. After changing your password you shut it off. That's done. Now you grab the picture of you and Dan after you first met. It was a selfie in a Polaroid. You take it and put it in the inside pocket of your jacket. Everything's done.

You grab your bag and head downstairs. Nothing left to do. There's not going to be saying goodbye. You just need to run. You need to get far away from this flat, this building, this area. Maybe not the whole town but definitely this place. 

You get to the lobby. The doorman opens the door and you tel him,

"If anyone asked you if I left say you don't know." You hand him 20 pounds and he says,

"Be careful (Y/N), be sure this is what you want."

You nod and leave. As you head up the street your mind shuts off. It seems like all your emotions and everything that makes you who you are is gone. You lost all emotion. But this is different than before. You're not emotionally numb or emotionally broke. There's nothing to break and there's nothing to numb.

You know where you're heading. You thought of it as you were packing. You kept the key in this jacket knowing that someday you would need it. The thing that's inside is a key to Aidan's flat. His parents said they would come in a month to empty it out. That means you still have time.

You break out running. It was a full blown sprint to his flat. You needed to be surrounded by the smell of him because honestly all that's happening right now is delayed grief. He's been dead for a while but you're still not processing it. You don't need (Y/F/N) right now. You don't need phill. You don't need Dan.

You run faster and faster. Your lungs feel like their going to fall out. But you don't stop. Then it shows up. His father immense flat is faintly visible against he navy London sky. There's no streetlights around here. Just land and an occasional flat. You continue to sprint to the gate. Once you get there you stop. You press the numbers into the keypad.

06141993

The gate opens. You run up to the front doors and pull out the key. For a second you couldn't put it in the keyhole. Your entire body froze. It eventually went away and you enter the flat.

~~~~~~~~~~

The flat was completely silent. No lights no movement. No anything. Kind of like your mind right now. The good thing is, you could move around this flat in your sleep. You head upstairs and to his room. You switch the lights on and look around. His bed was still unmade. There's clothes all over the floor.  Everything is the same it was the second he died. You take off your shoes and throw your bag on the floor. You throw your body onto his bed. The scent of him surrounds you in a way that you didn't know was possible.

He's gone.

You keep telling yourself that but you can't grasp it. You get up and grab one of his shirts. It was a red American Eagle shirt with a pale blue logo across the chest. It still smelt like him. You get up and put it in your bag. That's going to be the last memory of him. You put your shoes on, grab your bag and run the fuck out of the flat. But this time you don't stop running.