There Are Worse Things I Could Do

Chapter 92: Chasing Cars

  Hours upon hours go by and still now word about Dan. All they could tell you is that he's still alive. Unstable but still alive. You feel like you cried every single tear out of your body. Once again in your love you were emotionally broke. All off your emotions were spent on Dan. Now there's nothing. And if he does die, he takes your emotions with him.

"Mrs. Howell?"

The soothing voice pulls you out of your thoughts. You look up and see a nurse. She didn't look like she was going to give you bad news. She looked rather happy.

"You can come see him now. He's stable."

A flood of relief has run through you. He's still alive. He's still alive! The nurse takes you through a dozen hallways and into the room.

"We got some good news and some bad news." The doctor says as you walk in.

"We'll do tell me."

"Dan is cancer free."

"What!?"

This is too good. It's too good to be true.

"Yes. Cancer free. But it seems that the treatments took a toll on his body. That's why he was unconscious when you found him. He's going to be stuck here for a while but he will be all right."

You never been so relived. He isn't going to die. You say thank you to the doctor and sit beside Dan. He was so pale and so worn out. All the cancer treatment took such a tile on his appearance. He was one of the lucky few to keep his hair. Dan's been wearing beanies to hide the thinning and also hasn't been straightening it. The fans love it but he hates it. The fans didn't know he was sick. But not anymore.

Dan's big brown eyes slowly open and instantly loco with yours. A small smile creeps onto his full pink lips.

"Hi!" Dan croaks.

"I hate you."

"Nice to see you too."

"You scared the living shit out of me."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I'm just happy you're not dead."

You lean down and kiss him. His lips were cold and tasted like mint. Dan moves over and pulls you onto the bed. For once he was the one in the bed instead of you. He cuddles into you. His skin was cold to the touch. Your hands gently play with the loose curls that were scattered across his forehead. Deep down you were happy he didn't go bald.

"I wish we could lay here and forget the world." Dan whispers.

"We can't escape reality Dan. You were sick. Your body is damaged."

"I know. But I'm ok now."

"If you died a few hours ago I wouldn't be able to keep going. I couldn't be like Zoe and just start over."

"You could. You're beautiful and your personality is incredible. You'd find someone else."

"Maybe. But I wouldn't want to. I love you Dan Howell. No one else."

"There's always Phil."

"Shut up."

Dan brings his face up and kisses your cheek. After a few moments he starts drifting off. There are moments when the words don't reach. There is a grace to powerful to name. We push away what we don't understand, we push away the unimaginable.

Soon enough Dan was asleep in your arms. You don't need anything or anyone else. If you lay here he will lay with you and just forget the world. You don't quite know to say how you feel right now.