iMessage | Kian Lawley | COMPLETED

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- Kian -

I missed this. I missed her.

I hated that i didn't realise how much i did until now. I missed her smile. Her laugh. The way she smells. The way she will hold her hand over her mouth when shes embarrassed. How she pulls weird faces to liven the mood. I could go on and on all day, but the thing i missed the most were her beautiful blue eyes, i could look at them all day. I get lost in the pools of blue that look at me.

I had convinced her to stay, for the day at least. She was eager to go home, but i made her stay. I wanted her here for an eternity and id have it that way if i could. I want her back.

- Abbey -

Kian begged me to stay over today, the little shit. I couldn't say no, thats one thing i hated, i could never say no, especially to Kian. It killed me. He even cooked me a late breakfast to apologise for the fact i had to clean his vomit, as disgusting as it was, it was cute. He hadn't forget to be thoughtful, i guess some things never change. I wish he hadn't completely. Ive started to let go of it all, I've gained closure.

Kian was once a fairytale chapter in my life, but that chapter has passed and I've flipped the page. I learned to live without him, but i can admit i love the fact he's back, for whatever reason. My heart still stops when he looks at me, i still choke on my words but i cant trust him, my heart wont let me. I wish it would.

Kian snapped me out of my thoughts. I was currently still on the couch, i hadn't moved, he wouldn't let me do a thing. He was sitting next to me while i had Vega sound asleep curled up in my lap.

"can we talk?" he asked.

"sure" i half smiled, looking to him.

"i don't want to keep apologising, because i know your sick of hearing it, but I'm so sorry Abbey" he blurted out.

"Kian, i don't want to talk about it anymore. its ok. you had commitments and i wasn't going to stop you from chasing your dreams, i was a fan before i met you and i still am, ill always support you no matter what, even if you did almost destroy me" i looked down for a brief moment, then back to Kian.

"what happened while i was gone?" he asked.

"the truth?" i raised a brow.

He simply nodded.

"well... i went into a downward spiral. I was so alone, i was lost. I started getting drunk to numb the pain, i smoked weed to zone out. nothing worked, it took me almost six months to stop after i had started. kurt saved me, i owe him my life" i said, shaking my head as tears started to form in my eyes. i looked down.

"i cant talk about it anymore Kian, I'm done with that, i want to forget. i want to smile and be happy for what i do have and i am happy" i let out, i looked back up to Kian smiling as a tear fell down.

Within seconds he had already wiped it away and pulled me into a hug. How i missed those arms that once kept me safe. I wrapped my arms around the back of his neck letting my face dig into his neck. He started rubbing my back.

"i should have been there" he whispered.

"im not mad Kian, im tired of being mad" i said, not moving an inch.

I wanted to stay here forever. I don't think ill ever truly understand why ill always love him but i know im better off alone.

"ill spend my whole life making it up to you princess, i promise" he pulled away, looking into my eyes. my eyes didn't take long to look back into his.

"friends?" i asked, trying to liven up the mood.

"friends" he smiled.

I raised a pinky finger up, Kian looked at me confused briefly before raising his. Our pinkies locked and moulded together like they were made for each other. I wont deny the sparks still ignite my veins every time he touches me or the fact he can make me smile without doing anything. This was a promise and i hope this time he wont break it.

- Kian -

Friends? that word killed me. It killed me more the fact that i had agreed to it. In my heart it was the only way i knew i wouldn't lose her again. She was the only girl who could make me feel like the rest of the world just faded away and all i needed to be happy was her for the rest of my life. She was the only one who could make my heart skip a beat and leave goosebumps on my skin well after her touch was gone. If she wants to be friends, sure we can be friends but one day ill make this girl my wife.

- Abbey -

Kian and i still had our pinkies locked when my phone chimed, causing me to let go. I heard Kian huff but i chose to ignore him, stupid ass child. I lent over to the coffee table picking it up, it was jc.

Jc 👽 - how'd you hold up last night? thanks for taking care of kian.

Abbbbs ✨ - I'm good, besides the fact i had to clean up his vomit and shower him unconscious. We talked though, sorted some shit out. I wanted you to enjoy yourself. 😊

Jc 👽 - jesus im sorry, you should have told me to come home.

Abbbbs ✨ - no honestly, its ok.

Jc 👽 - let me make it up to you, come to dom's and we'll all go out for some early dinner? my treat. adventures after??

At that moment, i looked at Kian. I tried to find any excuse i could to stay but my heart was telling me to let it go. Kian already knew.

"you need to go huh?" he asked.

"jc asked me to hang out, get some early dinner..." i responded.

"go" he said.

"Kian... i don't..." he cut me off and put a hand on my shoulder.

"go, seriously. what kind of friend would i be if i made you constantly chose between people?" he gripped my shoulder briefly then took his hand away completely.

"its fine Abbey, really..." he continued.

I smiled, placing Vega on the vacant spot next to me i stood up, as did Kian. No words were spoken as i walked toward the door to retrieve my bag. Kian following. Luckily earlier today when i had gone to the bathroom to freshen up all my natural beauty radiated through my entire body, i had a glow and I'm pretty sure Kian caused it, pushing that aside I'm glad i don't look like a serial killer who's about to go grab a bite to eat in public. Ew. After i put my put on my shoulder i turned to Kian.

"promise me, no matter what, next time you need me call me ok? ill be there, for anything" he said softly.

I nodded, pulling him into a hug. Instantly his arms were around me once more. This is one feeling i never forgot but i always miss. Time stops when he touches me, ill never understand it. I think we stood there to much longer then needed, i pulled away and we looked at each other. I hated saying goodbye because i now always have the fear it will be the last time.

"bye Kian" i said sincerely.

"ill see you soon?" he asked, smiling.

"ill see you soon" i replied, turning i walked out the door towards the elevator.

I pressed the button and waited, once the doors opened by habit i looked back to the door and sure enough Kian was still there watching me until i no longer existed, like nothing changed. It killed me. Walking into the elevator i walked up to the back wall leaning my entire body onto it and sighing loudly. I don't know if i can do this, but i have to try. I lifted up my phone that was still in my hand and started typing back to Jc.

Abbbbs ✨ - on my way. 😊