Love, Music, And Heartbreak.

Coming Home From Hell

The plane ride was just awful. I slept most of the time but the thing is is that i dreamt the proposal scene over and over and over again. It wouldn't go away and it seemed all too real.

When Bret pulled me aside and told me I was better than her...that just made it worse for my poor little mind.

What if he leaves her for me?
No. Hes too kind hearted to do that...

We got off the plane at our stop and I got into the car with Cody, Jace and Cassie to go back to the band house. Jace and Cassie had their own apartment but in the same complex as  us which was cool.

The entire ride there I had Cody's phone in hand and his earbuds in as I listened to our album that was released when I was kidnapped. I just skipped over The Relapse Symphony's new album songs . I can't even hear his voice in the song or I will start crying. I guess Bret drove home to be with his girlfriend.

We finally got home and all I wanted to do was write lyrics in my room while someone held me. That someone wasn't here. Cody was and he was willing to do anything by this point. He reminds me of myself. Addicted.

Cody held me as he slept. I didn't mind this because it kept me up and this way I could write all night. Warped Tour was coming soon and I was hoping I could go into the studio tomorrow with Cody since he works there and record lyrics as a new song for Warped.

I fell asleep with a pen in my hand and my book dropped to the floor. As I fell deeper and deeper into my sleep i dreamt of Bret more and more as it went on. This was a slice of heaven and hell in one. How will I ever get over him?

In the middle of the night i woke up to the sound of my door opening and closing. Cody was still wrapped around me though... Bret came into view. As i looked at him I noticed how broken he suddenly looked. Why.  I quickly shut my eyes pretending to be asleep.

"My sweet Scar... I wish i would have known. I would have saved you... I would have given you that ring... and made you mine...."  He shuffled around a bit and then I felt his fingertips brush my neck as he latched something around my neck.

He then got up and left. Just like that.  I peeked my eyes open enough to see a necklace was now around my neck. At the end of the necklace was a black diamond ring... He...he was going to propose??

Tears found there rightful place in my eyes as I sobbed continously and managed to wake Cody up with my sounds.

"Shhh its ok Im here for you."
"Just a bad dream..." I didnt lie. It was a bad dream. Felt like one but it was reality.

I will be strong.

****2weeks later*****

I have healed mostly. I am numb to all of my dreams of Bret by now. He and Rayna are still together. I have somewhat come to terms with it I guess.  Warped Tour kick off was tomorrow and it was going to be rad. Rayna was coming with us though...

I finished a new song with the band and we were playing it at Warped Tour. Warped Tour is my dream and no one will mess that up. Not even my thoughts. Bvb was going to be on it as well. Andy has already called me a bunch of times after the whole kidnapping thing and so has the rest of BVB. I couldnt wait to hang with Asking Alexandria! I love their new singer Denis.

We were in Texas where the tour was going to kick off. We would officially start living in a bus tomorrow. Thanks to the doctors my wrists are mostly cleared from the torture and my back is the only thing wrong. There are whip scars still there. I hide them as much as I can. I make everyone leave the room if i change just my shirt now.

Sex has become something that I hate. The thought of it makes my skin crawl. Trey ruined all that for me. I cringe and flinch when someone touches me unexpectedly. I am broken.