Love, Music, And Heartbreak.

Tables Have Turned

We didnt stay long because Jace could tell i just wanted to break down crying at the hospital but i wouldn't let myself. Not infront of him....

So we all went home and I ran straight to my room. I sat on the floor by my bed and dug out the box from underneath my bed. I found it and opened it. I threw the picture aside and rummaged through for my razor. It was gone.

By this point I was sad and pissed I got up and flung my door open and marched to Jace's room.

"Where the fuck is it Jace I knew you took it?!"

"Where's what?" He asked setting down his phone.

"My razor goddamn it! Where the fuck is it!?" By this point I was crying.

"I threw it away."

I marched out of his room and to the kitchen and dug through the trash for it. This is how desperate I was to cut or kill myself right now. Jace tried to wrestle me away  but I still persisted to dig through.

I found the razor but before I could make even a tiny cut Jace grabbed it and threw it at the livingroom wall and he held me in his lap as I cried.

"No let me do it I dont deserve to live! I never did deserve to! Let me fucking die!!" By now everyone had come out of their rooms and was watching me as I was breaking down in Jace's arms.

"I wanna die." I cried out. I then passed out .

When I woke up I was laying in my bed and covered up and I was in pajamas. I had a pounding headache and i finally recalled the events of what happened. I groaned and turned on my side and saw Jace sitting at my bedside .

"Hey sleeping beauty how are you feeling?"

"Shitty. How long have I been out?"

"Three days."

"Wow."

"Bret got out of the hospital and is doing fine in fact he is in the livingroom."

"Send him in please." Jace nodded and went to go get him.

Soon Bret emerged from the doorway.

"Hey how are you feeling?" He asked.

"I could be better." I replied.

"Im sorry my song made you go out side its all my fault i should have cancelled the song since you were there. Its all my fault you were in the hospital."

"Hey it was not your fault its my fault for doing those things to make you write that song! You did nothing whatsoever wrong!"

I kept quiet knowing he is just saying that so i wont go off and kill myself again.

"Jace told me what happened." Bret said.

"Yeah." I said quietly sinking into my bed.

"Please dont ever try to leave this world again because I see a great future ahead of you and its bright."

I still kept quiet knowing he is just saying that so Jace wont kill him because I can hear Jace standing in the hallway.

"And Im sorry I tried to kiss you I wasnt thinking straight and I was being a prick Im sorry." I turned on my other side and he sighed left and Jace and Crystal came in.

"Why?" Was all they asked.

"All my life i was put down and beaten. My entire existence is horrible. I made someone cry and go out in harms way. He could be dead right now because of me! I never wanna be responsible for destroying a beautiful life."

"Well if Bret did die and you committed suicide you would have been destroying two beautiful lives Scar. We love you more than anything and we hate to see you like this." Crystal said.

" Im just tired of trying for nothing."

"Listen to me you are not trying for nothing when I fucking met you for band auditions some of the first things that came out of your mouth were 'I wanna help people'  try and give a fuck for them! "

JC then came in and Jace and Crystal left.

"Listen the reason we didnt tell you all about Bret was because we didnt want you to think it was your fault. Because it wasnt. It was the drunk asshole's fault. You deserve to live Scar and if you die it shouldnt be you who takes your life. You deserve to live long and happy."

He hugged me and everyone left me to my thoughts for now.

I still think its partly my fucking fault all this happened.

But i gotta think who wants me alive? Who gives a fuck about me ?

I cant be selfish anymore.

I got up and went to the livingroom. I saw a hole in the wall where my razor landed. When I came in Tristan had made me coffee. I smiled and sipped it and then hunted for headache meds in the kitchen.

I took some pills and went back into the livingroom. I saw Crystal was snuggled up to Tyler and I smiled at that. At least she will have a happy life for the rest of it anyway. Crystal has had a bad past on bullying and then she lost Bret and her parents died.

She had been really close with her parents.

Then Jace he lost his one true love in a car accident. Shade was abused by his mom and dad. Tristan had been bullied very badly for being gay.

We all had been bullied or abused or even both.

I sat on the couch beside Jace and JC. I snuggled into Jace's side and he smiled and rubbed my shoulder as we watched White Chicks the movie.

*******************

OMFG Bret Von Dehl called me! On his phone on a younow chat. If you saw the chat and watched all of it then I was the girl he called with the BVB ringback tone. Danene Cox. I was super excited . After we hung up i like fell in the floor! omg i died! Also there are rumors that Juliet and Andy are getting married! Finally!

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