Love, Music, And Heartbreak.

Truth Be Told

I woke up the next morning and groaned. But then I realized I have to go and hang out with Jace and the rest of my band. I'm surprised Jace still wants to see me after what I told him about me begin in the same car as Cassidy. I was quiet for weeks because it brought me so many memories of when I lost my child and everything. Everyone thought I was quiet because me and Cassidy were really good friends. It was that and all the memories.

I turned around in the bed slowly and saw Bret wasnt there anymore. I frowned and looked around the room. I didnt see Bret anywhere! I got up and went downstairs. I smelled food! I went into the kitchen and saw Bret setting out pancakes and sausage from Mcdonalds.

"I went and got you food because I know how much pain you've been in lately." 

"Thank you Bret." I smiled and went over to him and kissed his cheek.

He smiled lightly and kissed my cheek back and handed me my food and we sat next to each other. I thought of how much pain I had put Jace in over the years. God im such a horrible person! Why didnt he dump me as his friend years ago? Im such a fucking pain to him.

"Babe what are you thinking?" Bret asked.

"Same things i've been thinking for awhile." I replied and ate some pancake.

"It wasnt your fault! He even said it wasnt! Please let it go you aren't very healthy when you're like this."

"Im always like this Bret! Lets face it! No matter what the fuck I do I will blame myself for things because it is always my fucking fault because Im such a fuck up!" I shouted and put down my fork.

"Im sorry i just snapped at you Im just really messed up."

"Will you let me help you through it?" He asked and i nodded. He hugged me tight to him and we finished eating. We went upstairs and got ready . I go into my tight skinny jeans and a crop top that hangs off my shoulder. I did my makeup and hair and Bret got his hat and we went down to get into the car.

We got in and he drove and rode to the band apartment in silence. When we got there the place looked dead to me yet still alive and that was creeping me out. I opened the door with my keys and saw Jace and JC sitting on the couch talking and it looked like it was an emotional conversation so we went to the kitchen and I made coffee for everyone.

I handed some to Bret and then Crystal came in. Soon Tristan did with Shade. Tristan probably hates me because he is one of those people where if you hurt them somehow you have to earn back their trust otherwise you get the evil eye all day long and hardly any words that dont have the word fuck or ass in it.

Shade might forgive me but it may take a few months but hey who could fucking blame the guys? Jace probably told them about Cassidy and Cassidy was apart of our family and we were bonded but when she died we all suffered for awhile. Tyler came in soon and kissed Crystal's cheek and sat down and drank his coffee. I just kept my eyes on the floor because I can not face them.

Crystal then called her attention to JC entering the room and Crystl exiting and sittin gon the couch with Jace. JC looked sad about the talk he just had with Jace. He took his coffee and it was all dead silent for quite awhile. Then Crystal came back in and pulled me into her room.

"We are all trying to help Jace by telling him what he means to us and talk about all the memories but leave out Cassidy ok?"

"Uhh ok I dont know why you're telling me this because I cant talk to him."

"Scar!"

"Listen Crystal I cant do it! I cant look anyone in the fucking eyes!"

"Do it for him?"

"Fine!" I said and came out and sat on the couch across from Jace.

It was dead silence for a few minutes but then I spoke up.

"Look you were my rock on everything even when I was begin a baby that I am sobbing and crap but I love you because you are my brother. You were always there for me and now I need to be here for you and I am but promise me one thing...Dont do this again no matter who I turn to to love please? I will make mistakes and I always end up coming back to you for support dont I? Please dont ever do this again i love you too much to see you die."

"I promise but judging from the way you look at Bret you two were meant for each other this isnt some fling its a true love relationship and I was hoping Id have that with you. Not Bret."

"Remember the night we broke up?" I asked

"Yeah."

"Remember when we were laying on the room and all the sudden a squirrel just attacked you and I laughed after I pulled it off?"

"Yeah thats also when I said we were too much like brother and sister.'

"Because we are Jace we are best friends and we are family. Forever."

'Yeah. I love ya sis." He said.

"I love ya too bro."

"Can you move back in?"

"Well are your rules still in place?" I asked and laughed.

"No...he can come over...actually I wanna talk to him.'

"Uhhh...'

"Dont worry Im not going to start a fight or anything I just need to tell him some things he needs to know."

"Umm ok then." I got up and went and told Bret and he was surprised Jace wanted to see him but went anyway. Then and there I was left to be stared at by my band mates.

"Uhh excuse me." I went to my room and onto the balcony. I pulled out a cigarettee and started smoking it. Relief filled me. I sighed and JC came out.

"You should stop smoking it isnt good for your voice."

"Yeah well Im in a lot of sadness anddepression right now and its either this or cutting right about now." I took a long drag and sighed again.

"Everyone doesnt hate you Scar."

"It feels like they do but I dont blame them Im a bad person." I took another drag.

"Dont say that you are one of the nicest and bravest people I know."

"Thats exactly why i cant look at anyone in the eyes anymore right?"

"Yes because you are sensitive Scar!"

'I wish I wasnt sometimes."

'Well you are and thats who you are and you are fine the way you are ok? stop blaming yourself for everything because its not all your fault.' He said and went back inside. I finished my cigarettee and sighed and sat on the balcony floor. After awhile I go tup and went back inside and back to the kitchen. Tristan was with Jace and Bret was back with me making it easier to even be here.

I need this day to end.

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What do you think Jace said to Bret? Will her band ever forgive her? Was JC right? Oh the possiblities!

Im so sorry I havent updated! It was my bday the other day and that took an entire day and other things popped up but hey I updated didnt I? 

Love you Guys!!!!!!!!!!

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