Love, Music, And Heartbreak.

Regrets and Mistakes

Bret looked very uneasy...

" he's in the hospital...." My eyes shot open. I shot up in the bed and looked at him.

"He's fucking where!?!!" I shouted.

"The hospital."

"Why?"

"He tried to kill himself...."

"How did he...?"

"Tried to slit a main vein." I got out of the bed and got dressed and didn't bother with my makeup. I packed a little bag and went down the stairs. Bret met me down there fully clothed with his shades and hat on.

"I have to see him." We got in the car and I drove fast to the hospital and ran to his room. I bursted in his room and saw my band crowded around his limp and pale body. I started to cry. This is all my fault. If I didn't get so upset at him this wouldn't be happening. I threw my bag on the floor and I sat next to it and pulled my knees to my chest and cried.

Bret comforted me and so did a crying Crysyal. Then a teary eyed Shade and a crying Tristan.

"Bret go call Tyler and JC please." I said and Bret nodded and seperated himself from me.

We all stood up and we sat down in the chairs.

"Who found him?" I asked.

"I did." Crystal said in between her cries. I hugged her tight to me.

"Did you all know he still liked me?" I asked. They all nodded.

"Next time please tell me. I don't want this to happen again ever." They all nodded.

Then a doctor came in.

"We need to find someone who is his blood type and do a transfusion quick. He lost a lot of blood."

"What his blood type?"

"B positive."

"I have it!" I said and shot up. Crystal had it too and volunteered.

"Crystal let me do this." I said and she nodded.

I went with the doctor to get blood drawn. He had a nurse bring me juice and a cookie. Then she came at me with a needle....god no please no! I hate needles I only like tattoos needles!

Calm down. Do it for Jace, he needs you. Ok I am good. She stuck me with the needle and I whimpered as the blood began to drain from me to a damn bag.

I was itching to pull this needle out of my arm but kept it in. Jace needs blood and it needs to be me that gives it. I calmed myself and sang a song in my head to calm myself.

Soon she took it out and put a piece of gauze and tape on my arm. I hurried and drank my juice and ate my cookie and I stood up and got dizzy and sat back down.

"Ok Scar you can do this you've had worse." I got up slowly and walked back to the room. Bret kissed my cheek but I didn't respond to him. I went over to the window and stood. I looked at the sunset and remembered the night Cassidy died. I was in the car as well. I never told Jace that though. I silently started to cry as I remembered that horrid day.

********When Cassidy Died*****

We were driving home from the mall because Cassidy had to buy a dress for Jace and hers date.

"So how's the band?" She asked.

"Its good still wanting that record deal though."

"I'm sure you'll get it soon. Have you ever talked to Bret since last year?"

"Nope and I never want to."

"I think you guys were great together based on Crystals view."

"Yeah well he left me to burn in hell with a broken-- Ahhhhhh!!!!!" A car had hit us head on and she was driving. I got hit in the face with a air bag.

"Cassidy?" I asked then passed out. Next thing I knew I was laying on the concrete and my blood pooled beside me. I got up and saw a car in flames. Oh my god....Cassidy. I called the police and everything. They came and i gave them my answers and then I called the band. I said to Jace that my info was found in the ashes and they called me.

He was so crushed... He was so depressed....

********EnD***********

My breath caught as I zoned back in when Bret put his hand on my shoulder. I turned to him and cried and cried into his chest.

Then the nurse came in and hooked Jace up and gave him the blood. It made me wanna puke so bad but I stood my ground and cried in Brets chest. Soon Tyler and JC came in. Tyler went straight to Crystal and she broke down in his arms. JC came over to us and I hugged him tight and cried. JC is like my brother right now and I need my family.

"This is all my fault." I said.

"Don't say that." JC said rubbing my back.

"Why not its true."

"You didn't hand him the blade and put suicidal thoughts to him. Its not your fault." JC said .

Jace was moving his legs and moaning. I pulled away from JC and pressed myself into the corner of the room. I tried to make myself small but tall Bret following me wasn't exactly helping.

"Wha what the hell happened?" Jace asked groggily.

I can't take it. He probably hates me now anyway. I shot out of the room into the hallway and sat up against the wall and cried more.

I ruined his life. If I didn't pass out when we wrecked I could have dragged Cassidy out. If I didnt get mad so easy Jace wouldnt be here...again.

God everything is my fault!

Bret came out and sat next to me and pulled me into his lap and held my head to his chest.

"He doesnt deserve this...he doesn't deserve to have anything to do with my asshole of a self."

"Actually he wants to talk to you....alone."

"I-- I don't know if I can face him."

"Do it for him." Bret said and nodded. I sighed and nodded. We both got up and everyone left the room. I went to the window to watch the sky. I can't see his face. And I can't show mine...

********************

Ooo what do you think will happen?

Guys gues what happened to me on Dec 18th this year!!!!! Redeem/Revive fucking called me!!!!!! I was soooo happy and i kept breathing into the phone lol. Anyway if you wanna watch it its on Ustream on DJ Rossstar !!! I'm not lying you guys! They remembered that I won their contest as well!!! Fuck Yes!!

I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!!!

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