Letters To Louis // l.t.

January 3rd, 2010 - letter 1

Dear Louis,

If you looked just two tables over then you would see me. From time to time I watch you and your swift, but careful movements as you laugh with your friends. You're always laughing. At what? I don't know, but you're always laughing. They say the saddest souls laugh the most, so that makes me wonder about you. Are you secretly sad? If you are then I would love to be the one to fix you one. I highly doubt you'd let me though. You always overlook me and it pains me, because I like you. A lot.

I really try for you. I've started to wear make up for you. When I can, I wear my contacts just so I look pretty for you. In fact I've even stopped eating now just so I'd be skinny enough for you. The only times I eat is when my stomach won't stop making sounds that you glare at me for or when the pain is too much for me to bear and I feel faint or like I might throw up.

You glance at me from time to time, just for a few seconds, but you do. You'll look at me with a hint of longing in your eyes and you'll make eye contact with me, maybe flash me a small, barley noticeable sad smile, then you'll go back to laughing with your friends and ignoring me.

Why do you do that? I don't understand. 

I don't understand why I'm good enough for you.

I really don't. 

It's almost time for class to begin, I should probably go reapply my lip-gloss real quick even though you won't even notice.

Am I worth your time yet?

Am I worth you yet?

-Annabelle.