Letters To Louis // l.t.

December 30th, 2010 - letter 47

Dear Louis,

Merry Late Christmas! We had a fabulous one, didn't we? I know that I had fun. It was fun. You seemed to enjoy it as well. You seemed happy. You seem fixed now, but... I don't know. I just... I'm worried. No one can be fixed that fast unless they're faking which means they are even further off the edge then anyone realizes.

I just finally realized that I love you, Lou, and I can't lose you now. I just can't. Not after I'm finally your girlfriend.

I'm really sorry about..... the past. About everything. I'm really sorry. I really care about you and I should've never done that. Thank you for opening up to me though. I guess I should've known you would though since the reward was one kiss per thought. 

I'm so sorry though. I'm so so sorry. I didn't know that me applying to Manchester brought up horrible memories with your dad and how he always said you'd fail. I didn't know that me dating Noah brought back horrible memories with your dad telling you that you will never get a girl. I didn't realize that your dad has been the thing bothering you. That plus the hate was sure to drive you over the edge. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you.

Now I am though. I promise.

By the way those kisses were everything I'd hope they'd be and more. Those kisses were so worth the wait and I'd wait even longer if it meant that I'd always get to kiss them whenever I wanted.

You're perfect, Louis, complete and utter perfection. You're beautiful. You're sweet and caring and everything I've ever wanted and I don't deserve you. I don't deserve you at all. I pushed you away, dated someone else, was selfish when you needed me most, I pushed you over the edge, I'm the reason that you went over the edge.

I'm horrid and you're perfect and I don't deserve you, because even your broken self is perfect and even my so called "fixed" self is horrible. I'm sorry.  I really don't deserve you and I wish that I could just make you un-love me. I wish that I could just make you forget me and I wish- I just wish that I never walked into your life because if I hadn't then you'd be okay and happy. I might be dead, but you'd be okay and that's okay because you'd be okay.

I love you so much and now that I realize that it's like I'm drowning in the emotion since I pushed it away for so long. I just love you, Louis Tomlinson. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I could repeat it a million times and more. I love you.

-Your Belle

Oh no no no no no, Belley, no. No. Don't ever say that. No. I don't care what's happened in the past, I don't care how you acted, I don't care, because if you hadn't walked into my life then I'd be dead and that's a fact. I love you too, Belle, and I could repeat it a million times and more as well. I love you and I'm so happy I finally got you. 

Don't ever say anything like that again. You're just as- no you're more perfect then me. I promise that. You make me perfect, Belle, because I just... well you saved my life. It's that simple. You saved my life and I love you so never regret anything.

-Lou

p.s. we're over me writing in your book right? i mean after everything we should be.

Tomlinson, I swear I'm gonna- well okay no you're right. We're over that now. I really don't care.

Well thank you. I'll give you a more in depth thank you in person cause like come on. We're dating now.

{i'm so sad. this book is ending so soon. i'm gonna cry. my baby is almost grown up. there WILL be a squeal! WHOOOOOOO YAYAY!!! I'm excited. -A}