Letters To Louis // l.t.

November 16th, 2010 - letter 40

Dear Louis,

I went on my date with Noah. He was so sweet and kind and funny. He never let a moment become awkward, he never failed to make me laugh, he never became bored with me. It was amazing. Although I did realize something: I need to get more hobbies. 

Anyways the date was amazing. He took me to this restaurant called 'Nando's'. I've never heard of it before, but it was delicious! (I even took Niall there today and saying he loved it is an understatement. I think I may have gotten Niall addicted. Whoops.)

I really like Noah. He asked me out again and kissed me again and it was wonderful. He's really cool and he likes the same things I do and he even watches the X-Factor! He said he's routing for you guys! Oh also he helped me decide what I should major in. He showed me this flyer for a political science course and said I should give it a go plus he majors in that as well so I'd see him a lot; definitely not a minus.

I don't think I'm coming across as excited as I was last night, am I? It's just what happened with you is really worrying me. I'm worried for you. And mad at you. It's like every single time I start to get over you and get a happy life and move on from everything, you pull me back in. You're like poison to me. Whenever you start to show the littlest bit of sadness I get worried and sad and then you start to consume my thoughts all the time. You're the thing that keeps bringing me down because I feel all this pressure to fix you and lift you up and be perfect and skinny and everything you deserve and it's too much! 

It's too much.

With Noah I don't feel like I have to be perfect or skinny or strong or anything that I'm not. It just feels easy and right. It doesn't matter to me that's it's only been one date, because I've never felt that carefree with you and I've been friends with you for months. I've hung out with you months.

I don't want to leave you though. But what if it's the right thing to do? You need me though. Especially after what happened last night. 

Who knew such a simple question would bring you to tears.

"How are you? I feel like we haven't actually talked in forever. Or at least actually talked about you."

then your lip startled to wobble, I'll never forget how your face slowly started to drop or how your lip quivered or how your eyes got glassy and glazed over.

"I'm fine." But you weren't and I knew that so I asked again then you just cried and cried and cried. You didn't tell me what's wrong, you still haven't, but you just seem sad. I don't know what it is, I know it's not the hate, but I'm worried. What else could it be?

What if you fall just like I did? I won't be able to lift you back up. I'm not strong enough. 

-Anna

{so yeah this book is gonna be a lot longer then 50 chapters. is that bad? also i get the feeling that a lot of you guys have questions about this book, but are afraid to ask so should i make a ask.fm for my wattpad? comment with opinions please! oh and vote! -A}