February 21st, 2010 - letter 5

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by onetreehills

by onetreehills

Dear Louis,

I haven't eaten in almost two weeks. My stomach is killing me, I've doubled-over on the ground twice now from the pains coming from my fat stomach so forgive me if my writing is a bit sloppy.

We've practiced quite a b lately- oh sorry. Stomach pain shot through me again. Anyways it's been
iiit
going quite good. You've been amazing. Honestly you have been. I don't really now how much longer I can do it though. The problem is I don't know if I'm talk about practicing with you or living.

I'm honestly tired of sucking in my chubby stomach every single time I'm around you, I'm tired of the pain that shoots through me, I'm tired of the things I have to do to ignore the pain and focus on another, less painful pain. I'm tired of looking at myself in the mirror every single day and just crying because of how ugly and worthless and fat I am. I'm tired of trying to reach a new level of beauty that I know I will never be able to reach.

I'm tired. I'm so tired.

I really want to open up to you, but you still seem a bit cold and closed off. I really don't have anyone though. I'm friendless, my parents, although they love me, are far too busy trying to make enough money to support me to actually pay attention to me, and... I'm all alone. I-I just need someone. Anyone, really.

I just really really really want someone, Lou! I really want you! I really need you!

Ugh! My stupid tears have gotten all over this book and now the ink is smearing. I'm sorry! I'm such a screw up!

I ne someone, Louis. I really do
just really ed oo.

P-please save me. Please help me. Please.

I-I have to eat s-something. I'm going to faint or throw up. I- wait. I just got an idea. I... I gotta go.

Please just tell me soon that I'll be worth you. Please. I'm losing weight. I think. I know I probably, no, I know I look fatter, but I'm trying. I'm trying so hard for you, Lou.

Am I worth your time yet?

Am I worth you yet?

-Annabelle

_____________________________

o.m.g. wut did I just do?

vote and comment, loves!

-A x