Letters To Louis // l.t.

November 23rd, 2010 - letter 41

Dear Louis,

It's been a week and you're not getting better. I don't know if you're getting worse, but you are not better that's for sure.

Louis, this sucks. This sucks! I'm sorry if I sound selfish or rude or like I'm ungrateful, especially since you saved my own life, but I'm finally happy and I finally am dating someone who I really like and I can't even enjoy any of it because you are breaking down and all I can think of is you!

It's not fair! I deserve to enjoy my happiness and my boyfriend, but I can't! It's like no matter what I do you always, always find a way to creep back into my mind and overwhelm my thoughts and feelings. It's not fair.

I have to help you though. I have to stick through it because you did the same for me. I owe it to you. You are now my responsibility, Louis Tomlinson. 

On the brighter side I applied to Manchester Uni. I won't know whether I'm accepted or not until next term. Noah pushed me to apply since he knew how badly I wanted to. He's really been helping me. I've discovered new hobbies that I enjoy like football (hey same as you!), volleyball, shopping, acting- oh acting. I love it. I love drama. Noah took me to sit in on one of the drama club meetings and one of the course lessons! I absolutely adore it; in fact I adore it so much that I am thinking of applying to the program if I get accepted next term. 

So another good thing that came from Noah: he helped me find hobbies and two majors. Drama and political science.

Speaking of Noah he's been amazing. He's taken me out on a date every night this week! He always has something different planned; something new and exciting. Like just this week he took me on a hot air balloon ride! It was amazing and so beautiful, I think my favorite part though was when we landed and walked over to the beach for our official date. Lots of water splashing was involved; which I loved.

It's so weird though. I've never had anyone treat me like this, not even you, Lou. He treats me as if I am this extraordinary princess who is the best thing that has ever happened to him (he even said that!). It's just so weird and lovely and wonderful and awesome and wow. I'm really lucky.

Do you want to know something; something totally bizarre? I'm not even afraid of falling in love with him. In fact it can't happen soon enough! I really like him and I feel like I can just..... gosh I don't even know, but judging by the smile on my face whenever I think of him I think it's something good.

Have you heard his laugh, Lou? Well no, of course you haven't, but let me tell you it is the most beautiful laugh you will ever hear. I swear it could cure cancer. 

Have you seen his smile, Lou? Oh goodness, it can brighten up even the darkest of night sky.

Have you seen his eyes, Lou? They sparkle brighter then any star, diamond or glitter particle I've ever seen.

Have you felt his lips on your own or on your check, Lou? Oh my. Why did I even say that? Ew, ew, ew, go away you nasty mental image. Ugh. Anyways when his lips are on mine all I can hear is my heartbeat in my ears and the feeling of happiness wash over me. Whenever he kisses my cheek all I can think is "just kiss me already", all I can do is smile; and when his lips leave me all I can do is shiver and feel the ghost of his lips there as my heartbeat thumps in my ears and crimson red rushes to my cheeks.

Have you felt his arms around you, Lou? Wow that sounds weird and I did it again and- no. The point is though they make you feel so warm and secure; almost as if nothing could ever hurt you again. When his arms wrap around me I feel the whole world slip away, along with every mistake I've ever made. When his arms are around me I feel whole. I feel as if I could survive anything. 

I feel as if every single time you saved me from suicide it was so I could feel loved by that amazing, amazing man; and honestly if I had to go through all of those failed suicide attempts, all the cutting, all the puking, all the starving, all the sadness, all the tears, if going through all that again meant getting to be with Noah...... well then to say I would go through it all again would be an understatement. 

He keeps me sane when the pressure gets too much with you, Lou. 

-Belle

{okay i hope all that made sense! so i am puking up rainbows and puppies from how cute this is like omg i don't like to gloat but come on. that was cute. ALRIGHT i made an ask.fm so hit me up with questions. the username is: adorlouble and you can click on external link and it will take you straight to my page.

thank you all for everything. all the votes and comments and everything. I love you guys. -A}