Letters To Louis // l.t.

January 12th, 2011 - letter 52

Dear Belle,

I don't know anymore. I don't know anything.

You see, all this time, I was the one who helped you up when you fell, who brushed your tears away, who held you close at times when you were torn apart, but now you're the one doing it to me.

I feel so useless. I feel like a burden. I feel like a lost cause. 

Sometimes, I think back to when you and Noah dated. I would see you walking with him sometimes, and the way you smiled at him... Belle, that was my smile. That was the one you always gave me. It pained me so much to see you smile at him. I never thought I win it back, ever, but I did. Thankfully. I suppose.

Honestly, Belle, I just.... sometimes I wish you would've stayed with Noah. I wish I would've never written you a letter or told you that I love you or anything, because if I didn't then I wouldn't be about to cause you so much pain.

I know you're worried. I know that, from the way you're constantly asking me if I'm alright, and the way you look at me like I'm some poor, pitiful thing. And I'm sorry that I'm acting all sorts of different ways these days. It's just that I don't want you to see me like this. People are saying horrible stuff again, Belle, about how I can't sing, about how I don't deserve to be in the band, about how I should just die. And the scary thing is, I agree with them. 

Look at me, the one who is supposedly 'Superman'. I'm so weak, aren't I? I've always loved you, Belle, so much that it's hurting terribly. I've always loved you. I hope you know that. But it's too late.

Honestly, I know I don't deserve you. You're so strong while I am so... pathetic. Noah is good for you. I can tell. The way you use to look at him as if he was an angel. Every night, I can't sleep. I just lie awake, thinking about the way you use to look at him, thinking about how much I love you, thinking about how you look at me with love and pain and worry, and I ask myself why I pulled you away from someone like that. Someone so perfect for you. Someone who isn't so broken.. I know why now. It's because I was selfish and stupid. It's because I thought I could be better for you then him. It's because I saved you so I could have you and I thought it wasn't fair that someone else had won you.

Why must I be so selfish all the time? 

Belle, I wish I could have a time machine. So I could turn all of this back to when it was simple and right. When you still smiled at me with love and just love. I wish I could go back and fix everything so all this wouldn't be happening anymore. I'm sorry. I know that he made you happy and here I am, pulling you down. Which I obviously am.

Alright. I hope that you will be happy forever, Belle. Keep smiling the way you do. You look beautiful like that. You look beautiful anytime actually. Noah was so very lucky to have such a perfect girl and I hope he gets her back. I sincerely wish that he makes you feel loved and beautiful and everything that you are. I hope he gives you everything I couldn't.

Please, stay happy, Annabelle.

I love you forever and always.

Love,

Louis

 ____________________________

please tell me you know what this letter means.

please tell me you know that this is a suicide note.

please cause i am crying.

this beautiful letter was written by our #1 winner cheriharry

i edited it a bit to fit the story but this was written by her. if you want the original entry then PM me.

this was beautiful and i'm crying and 2 or 3 or (maybe?) 4 more letters left.

how would y'all feel about an extra credit/taken out letters/bonus material thing as a sorry at the end of the book?

-A x