Letters To Louis // l.t.

March 28th, 2010 - letter 13

Dear Louis,

Oh my gosh. How do you live in that house?

I-I honestly cannot believe what has gone on theses past couple of days. 

(side note: So basically this is like my dairy, Lou. I just felt weird writing to no one so I decided to pick you. Some of this stuff actually is written for you, but- okay, basically this is my dairy so if by chance (I now know that chance is a lot bigger then I thought) you read this and wonder why I am retelling stuff, well it's so I can let my feelings out to someone that I trust. To you.)

Where do I even begin? I really don't know.

OH! How about we start with "our spot", yeah?

A couple days ago I was walking around town and stumbled upon the old park that I use to play at. I decided to look around and "explore". 

Now you must understand I never expected to find this place or you of all things.

With that out of the way; I was "exploring" and I stumbled across a hidden path way. Now me being my stupid, curious self, I walked down the path that I had found at the edge of the park. 

After walking through what seemed like a forest to me, I finally found where the path lead to. It lead to a beautiful.... gosh I don't even know what to call it. The pathway lead to a beautiful place that had a grassy cliff not too too far off the ground. The cliff then slopped down on the side and lead you down to a beach that had sand and then grass off to the side where a tree and a swing sat along with a bench on the ground. There was a lake with a waterfall also. It was beyond beautiful.

That, of course, surprised me, but what surprised me most was to see you there. You, Louis Tomlinson, sat on top the grassy cliff. But that's not all! You, Louis Tomlinson, sat on top the grassy cliff with your feet hanging over the edge, crying. You were crying.

I slowly made my way over to you and sat down. I shakily said your name which caused you to tense up.

"H-Hi." Your voice cracked.

"Lou, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" I asked, growing more concerned. 

You the mumbled nothing and tugged your arms tighter around your waist. I knew the move all too well. You were hiding something, or better yet you were hiding your wrists. 

On the rare occasion that one of my parents walked in on me cutting I would automatically cross my arms over my stomach and tug them as tight as they could go so they wouldn't see my wrists. 

(They never did.)

Then I grabbed your wrist (I only could because it caught you off guard) and saw big pink scratches all over your wrists. You weren't bleeding, but you were sure trying to. I think a let out a gasp that was a bit too loud, because you turned your head away and didn't look me in the eyes.

"Louis... Why?" I asked.

You stayed quiet. 

"Please. You can trust me."

You stayed quiet again. I felt so hopeless, but then you turned to me with the saddest blue eyes I've ever seen. You cheeks were wet and your eyes were a bit pink.

"T-Things just got too much." You whimpered out.

"What happened?" I begged.

Another pause of silence. "My dad. He... he just- he said some stuff."

Now I had never met your dad, in fact I didn't even know you had one, but I later on learned that was because he was away on work quite a lot making thousands of dollars a week.

"What happened, Lou? What did he say?"

"He just..." Then the sobs that you were so desperately trying to contain rang out which caused the waves of tears to pour from your royal blue eyes.

"He said that I'm a failure. He said that I was a stupid, worthless failure. I always have been and always will be. He said that no matter what I try to do in life I will always fail. He just kept yelling at me how worthless I am and how awful I am and how... just how me I am. Just how Louis I am." 

You spit the words 'me' and 'Louis' out of your mouth as if they were poison. I flinched when you said that, just imagining how much pain you were in, are in. I couldn't bear it.

"Then he... then he hit me. He slapped me."

That's when my arms flew around you faster the a bullet leaving it's gun.

"I'm-"

"Don't say your sorry. It's not the first time it's happened and it won't be the last." You said, your tone as cold as ice.

We sat there for a few moments. I kept holding you in my arms, rubbing small circles on your back, but then a thought popped into my head. A thought I never, ever wanted to do, but I did. Just for you.

I pulled away and lifted up my sleeves revealing my own cuts. 

Your eyes widened, the only word you uttered was 'why'.

I told you the reasons why, I told you everything (minus my bulimic-ness) and you listened. Then you wrapped your arms around me this time and told me that everything would be okay.

A few second later and we were laying on the grass, holding hands and drifting off to sleep. You asked if this could be "our spot" and I, of course, said yes.

The last words you mumbled were: Thank you, my Belle. Then you kissed my cheek and fell asleep. 

I honestly don't think I've ever been happier.

I'll save the rest for another letter. I think this is enough for today.

-Your Belle

_____________________________________

ok but you legit don't even know.

i had heart problems when I wrote this.

and you don't even know what i have planned next.

comment please just do it. i need to know your thoughts.

oh vote also because that makes me happy, happy, happy!

-A x