Melody
Chapter 38
We were sitting at some restaurant that was in the hood. It was actually pretty nice. She was sitting across from me drinking her coffee.
"So it's Nola now?" I asked her.
I watched as she laughed and sat back in her seat.
"It's always been Nola. I just lost myself for a while," she said and licked her lips and leaned on the table and smiled at me.
I raised my eyebrow and smirked.
"Not with me," I said.
"That's when I was lost," she said and chuckled.
"When did you find yourself?" I asked her.
She sat back and smiled.
"When someone unexpectedly found me,"
She said.
"Are you happy with her?" I asked.
She looked happy. Happier than I ever saw her.
"Very much so," she said.
"I think you're just pretending," I said smirking.
I wanted to see how this semi sober Nola would responded. Last time she damn near ripped my head off.
"I'm not. I was pretending with you,"she said and smirked.
"Why?"'I asked her and raised my eyebrow.
"I was settling. I didn't think I would get anything better and I wanted to hold on to you because If I had let you go I thought I would never find it," she said.
"And what wouldn't you find?" I asked her.
"Love baby girl,"'she said and smiled at me.
"And you think you found that?" I said and sat back in my seat as the waitress brought us our food.
"I know I found that. Have you ever heard that song Lose Myself by Lauryn Hill?" She asked me.
I shook my head no. I wasn't a real big fan of hers and Nova knew that.
"Well there is this line in the song that made me think about the relationship with you. Then it click. I couldn't love correctly because I didn't love myself. So while we had broke up and somethings happen I found it. Then I was able to give it back to someone who deserves it," she said.
I felt my heart break a little bit. I had no idea how to respond.
"What line was that?" It was the only thing I could think of asking her.
" Then Somebody Came Around And Tried To Hurt Me Tried To Make Me Feel Like I Was Unworthy
Took Pure Love And Tried To Make You Dirty
Truth Was, That she Never Did Deserve Me," she said and looked at me.
Her stare was making me uncomfortable. I cleared my throat and drank my water. I never knew she felt that way about me. She always hide everything so well from me. But the change in her made her open up more and it was nice. I was falling for her new outlook on life.
"So you really love her?" I asked her.
I watched as she sat her fork down and leaned over the table.
"I love her more and harder then I have ever loved before," she said.
She had semi ripped my heart out. I still think it was false just a bit. She told me she would always love me.
"How can you love her so much but yet you told me that you would always love me?" I asked her and smirked.
She laughed and licked her lips.
"I love Robyn for many reasons. That girl is everything to me and more. She has stood by me through all of my shortcomings. We were both damage and we helped each other to fix those parts. We both had fear of loving that we over came because we have such a strong connection and an understanding that is deeper than anything you could imagine," she said.
I nodded my head and started to play with my food. I guess she was really over me. I wasn't sure I was over her. Seeing them to interact makes me wonder if we would have built something like that. If she would have looked at me the same way she looked at Robyn. I do remember times she would
But that all stopped. I watched as she ate her food and I couldn't help but let my thoughts go back to when we first met. When I first meet her she was smaller but not this fit. I let my eyes travel up her arms and across her chest and to the two tattoos that were semi visible and Down to her hands. She had the R tatted on her ring finger. I allowed myself to turn that R into a M.
Did I miss her? I have no idea. Have I grown? I think I have. But I don't think I have grown pass her. When I broke up with her I said it was best for me. We had talked about it but she had fought for me but not the last time. She just let me go. I guess she had no fight left in her.
"Are you happy?" She asked me as her eyes meet mines.
I placed the fork full of veggie omelet in my mouth to by me some time. Was I happy or was I pretending? Was I the one trying to make her jealous and seem like Bianca was the best thing in the world? Did I settle because I wanted to prove to her that I didn't need or think about her and us? I was having second thoughts. Questioning my actions. I swallowed my food and looked down at my plate and back up into her hazel eyes.
"I think so," I said and smiled.
