I was shocked to see Sehun in front of my doorstep. I'm confused about my feelings for him. Should I be mad at him? Should I curse at him? Should I push him away? These are the usual things a girl does whenever she sees her ex in front of her but why do I feel nothing? Why am I not hurt anymore? Couple of days ago I cried because of him but now, I can't feel anything. Is it because I have moved on that fast or is it that I realized that I don't love him as much and the reason why I cried was just because I can't take it when people leave me? I, myself is also confused with my feelings.
He stood there, gently smiling at me.
"Its been a while, Ilvana." He greeted
"What are you doing here?"
"I want to talk to you."
"I don't think we should talk anymore."
"Ilvana please hear me out."
"Sehun please, just go."
"I still love you Ilvana.. I'm sorry. Please come back to me." He pleaded as he suddenly hugged me, I tried to resist his hug but he's strong enough to make the hug tighter making me unable to move. I can hear Sehun crying and it somehow soften my heart. I really can't stand seeing people crying. It also hurts me especially when its because of me. I just let him hug me because I pity him, nothing more. I stood there awkwardly when I suddenly saw a bouquet of flowers not far away from our position. It made me curious as I tried to push Sehun away with more force.
"Sehun, I'm sorry." I apologized, knowing that I can't return his feelings for me anymore. Even thought I'm confused with my feelings, I can still somehow point out what my heart wants, and I know it wasn't Sehun.
I walked away, approaching the unattended bouquet on the ground. I picked it up, it was a bouquet of Iris flowers, my favorite flower which symbolizes hope and courage. It is my favorite flower and I know who brought this here for there is only one person who knows me that well,
Jimin.
I ran, trying to search for him. I keep on looking at the road, hoping that I could see him but I didn't. I tried calling him but he won't answer. I went back home only to see that Sehun already left. I went inside and change my clothes and look for Jimin.
I searched for him in the whole village but I still can't reach him. I tried calling his friends if he's with them but he wasn't. I started to get worried about him. I can't afford to lose him, not this time that I am already certain to what I feel about him.
I keep on searching for him until dawn, and still no traces of him. I went to his house because I know, he'll come home sooner or later. I sat on the steps and wait for him.
TIME SKIP
I never thought that I would eventually wait for someone for so long. I am still here, outside his house and it was already 11pm. I was about to go to my car and go to the police station to ask for their help when it started to rain heavily. I stood up, looking for a spot with shed. I hugged myself to keep myself warm when I suddenly saw a figure, walking to my direction. I immediately went out to the rain.
"Jimin!" I shouted when he finally looked at me. There he was, soaking wet because of the rain. His clothes are too wet that It perfectly hugs his hot body. I looked at his face, seeing how broken he was and it seemed like he cried a lot because his eyes were puffy.
"Where were you!?" I yelled at him, frustrated because I was worried.
"I went out." He coldly answered.
"Are you drunk?" I asked him as I can smell alcohol from his breath.
"so what if I did? Would you do something about it?" He asked me. I was surprised by his attitude. He's never like this. He doesn't treat me this way.
"You're not like this Jimin. Why did you do this?"
"It's my life. I have the choice to do anything I want."
"Anything you want? This is so unlike you, Jimin." I said disappointed
"People change, Ilvana." He replied
"What is wrong with you?!" I suddenly shouted, I can no longer take his answers. It wasn't him.
"What is wrong with me? Do you want to know what's wrong with me!?" He asked as he walked closer to me as I stood there, showing that I won't be intimidated by his scary figure.
"It's you! you're the reason why I am like this!" He shouted which caught me off guard. How was this related to me?
"Do you actually know what I feel about you, Ilvana?"
"Do you even consider what I feel!?"
"Every night, I cried on my sleep whenever you're with him."
"and it kills me to just force a smile and show to you that I am happy even though I am not." He said as he slowly shed tears in front of me.
"Everyday, my heart curses at me because I can't even say my feelings towards you."
"I can't even say how much I love you because I'm scared. I'm scared that when I confess to you, you'll leave me."
"Every night, my tears burst because my longing for you flows and flows and I can't stop it."
"I really wanted to tell you how much I love you but that sentence has been stuck to my throat like a thorn and remains in my heart for the whole day"
"I keep on asking myself, why does it have to be you? Why did I have to love you?!"
"Even if I shake my head and deny it, I can't let you go." He cried as he knelt in front of me, still crying. It was my first time to see him cry like this and it breaks my heart to see him broken and hurt especially when I am the reason. I am so stupid for not noticing his love for me.
"I love you, Ilvana. I will love you forever even if you don't look at me because I know that even if I say it a thousand times, you won't accept me, Even if I wait at the same spot for you, you won't like me back."
"My foolish love that simply looks at you like an idiot, You will never know, and you will never return that same love no matter what." He said as he hugged my waist and cried his heart out.
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I also knelt in front of him, with tears falling because of his heartfelt confession. I cupped his cheeks and forced him to look at me.
"Jimin, I am sorry for not knowing your true feelings for me. Sorry for giving you a hard time. Sorry for being stupid. Sorry for making you suffer." I cried.
"These past few days, I've realized something. I already understand what my heart wants."
"Jimin, I feel the same way. I also love you. Sorry for only realizing it now. I hope it's not too late." I said to him as he looked at me, eyes full of hope.
"But what about him?" He asked. I immediately knew what he was talking about. He might have seen the scene earlier and he misunderstood it.
"I don't love him anymore Jimin." I said as I smiled at him.
"It was you all the time and I'm just stupid to look for love when it is already clear that its on my side the whole time. I guess I was the real fool here for ignoring someone who will love me the most." I confessed
