Attraction, Wealth, and Power (Scallison)

I Don't Like Who I Am Without Him

I felt a kiss on the back of my neck. I tilt backwards into it with a smile. "I love you."

"I love you too," Isaac said. I turned and found myself naked in bed with Isaac. He was hovering me and smiling. "Last night was amazing."

I shake my head and notice I'm not in my room. Isaac reaches behind him and pulls a plate of pancakes over.

"I've got to go."

"Don't worry. My dad isn't home. He's on a business trip. We have the place all to ourselves."

I shake my head and grab my shirt and jean shorts. "I have to go." I rushed to get dressed.

"Didn't you have fun last night? I thought we had a good time together."

"I need to leave."

/

"Allison," my dad says. "Where have you been? I was about to call the police. Stiles is driving around looking for you."

I shake my head and run to my room. I grab my phone and call Scott. "Hey you've reached Scott. Sorry I can't get to the phone right now but leave me a message and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. I wouldn't miss your call if it wasn't something important."

"Scott, I know we're not supposed to talk but I really need you right now. Stiles hasn't spoken to Lydia and my dad's deal with the investors are over. We have his blessing to be together again. I need you to call me so we can talk because I really need you. Please call me back."

I hang up and hug my pillow tightly. I'd had my first time with Isaac.

"Allison, what happened to you? You disappeared for an entire day and you show up this morning and run right to your room. Are you ok?" He sits beside me and sighs. "Is this about what's happening to Scott?"

I turn to him. "What's happening to Scott?"

"I thought you knew."

"What's happening to Scott?"

"Honey, Melissa promised me that he'd be fine."

"He's already fine. What happened?"

My dad then says "Allison, he's getting surgery for his heart. To fix it."

"His heart is fine. It is not broken. His heart is perfect. Why didn't he turn down the surgery?"

"Because Lydia asked him to get it done. Because the doctors told Scott that the blood flow would only get worse with age and that he'd be prone to a heart attack before college. Lydia asked him to get it done and Scott agreed with his mother's approval. He did it because Lydia's his sister and he wants to be there for her always."

I shake my head. "I have to go to New York. I can't be here when he's having surgery over there. I need to be there."

"Allison, where were you?"

"I don't want to talk about it. Not with you."

Stiles then says "What about your brother?"

Dad leaves and Stiles takes his place after closing the door. "What's wrong Ally?"

"I did something. Something I can't take back." I start to cry.

Stiles pulls me into a hug. "Ally, what did you do?"

"I...I slept with Isaac. I...I gave my first time away to someone who isn't Scott. I can't have Scott ever find out."

"Ally, this isn't something that you can keep from him."

"I have to. We were supposed to share that moment together. I couldn't imagine it with anyone else. I can't lose him. I don't want him to look at me differently. I just got him back. I can't lose him. Not because of his heart and not because of me. I don't think I could live with myself knowing that I hurt him." I look up at Stiles. "You can't tell him. If not for me, for him. You know him. You know he'll fake a smile and pretend everything is ok until he's alone. I can't hurt him Stiles."

"Ally, he'll know. Whether you tell him or not, he'll know."

"Stiles, I love him. If he leaves me, I don't know if  I could stand seeing him in school everyday. I can't have him look at me with that disappointed kicked puppy look. I won't survive it."

"Ally, you'll always have him. You just might not have him as a boyfriend anymore.  But knowing Scott, he'll pretend it never happened. You'll end up married and carrying his kids."

"What if he does give me a second chance? What if I do end up married to him? We were separated for two weeks.  What happens when he goes on the road for away games? Am I gonna sleep with someone else then too? Am I gonna repeatedly be the person that disappoints him? Am I gonna turn into mom? Am I gonna make Scott into the person that never gets to relax? Am I gonna make him into the guy that's always worried that I'm with some other guy? I refuse to make him worry every second of the day. I won't let him waste his life away. I can't let him be miserable for the rest of his life. I want to make him happy. If I tell him, it'll destroy him. He'll never trust me again. I don't wanna turn him into dad but I think I can be better. But I know I can also be worse so I'd rather lose him and he be happy than keep him and him be miserable."

Stiles shrugs. "You won't know what he'll do or how he'll feel if you don't tell him."

"Right now I just wanna get on a plane and go see him. I need to make sure his surgery goes ok."

"Lydia's been calling me every ten minutes. She's been playing it cool but she's freaked inside. Scott's been her rock of course. They just rolled him into surgery. Lydia's panicking about if she did the right thing in convincing Scott to have the surgery. She loves him. He's the only brother she has. She's your best friend and you should talk to her about this."

"She'll hate me again."

"Why? You didn't do something with her boyfriend this time, you hooked up with someone else." I shove him lightly. "She knows Scott better than anyone. She'd help you with whatever you decide."

"What about Scott? If he does hate me, what do I do?"

"You wait and see if he'll give you another chance. And if not, you'll get back up in the morning and you'll make the best of every day. And you'll always have me."

"I appreciate that but I'd rather have you, Lydia, and Scott. Especially Scott."