Die for us

He knows the truth...

Bryn's POV --

Though I stare into Jason’s eyes I can’t bring myself to look past the hard charade and see the corruption that lies behind it. I can’t even feel any part of my body, nothing was functioning properly and even if Jason decides to spare me I won’t make it out of this house consciously.

Jason looks away from me and stares off towards my left, I shake and sniff. My eyes shut tightly and I bow my head, ashamed of myself. I was disgusted with all that I was. I can’t forgive myself for what I’ve done to Jason, I can’t push myself to try and make things right.

I wipe my face but continue to cry and Jason was still in utter shock.

“...What?” He finally says.

I have to take a few moments to catch my breath and actually suck up the courage to respond to him.

“I’m so sorry about this...” I mumble, my teeth chattering out of fear.

I look at Jason and he shuts his eyes tightly, not wanting to look at me. His jaw locks and he turns his head to the right trying to process the information that pours into his skull.

He opens his mouth to speak but I feel that he’s having just as much of a hard time speaking as I am.

“...I-I trusted you...” Jason trails off, opening his eyes and staring at the wall.

My heart thumps against my chest and I gasp out, losing my breath.  I look down at the gun and my vision starts to blur, I was envisioning pairs of one object. Is this what it feels like to have a broken heart?

This isn’t even karma, this is a curse. I will not be able to pull my heart together and start over. I will no longer have Jason with me everywhere I went, we won’t hold hands and he won’t even bother to look me in the eyes.

I’m damned until the day I die and to save myself some grief, I might as well end everything. Here and now.

He trusted me with everything he had and I crushed it. I crushed him, I was all he had left and I was willing to take advantage of that for my greater good. Jesus Christ, please have Jason murder me before I murder myself because there is no way I’m going to continue living with such a burden.

“Jason, I-”

“I loved you...” Jason cuts me off and continues speaking to the wall.

My knees hit the ground and I feel pain shoot up my blood stream. His words ring in my ears, piercing my eardrums and I have to bring my hands up to my ears to somehow block out the sentence. Nothing hurts more than this; I was breaking to pieces watching him fall apart.

I cough, trying to breathe but I choke on my own tears. I shakily grab the gun and look up at Jason who stares at the gun in my hands with fury emitting from his eyes. I stand up, legs wobbling and stumble over to him, taking his hand and shoving the gun inside it. Jason is hesitant to touch me and that only makes the heartache much worse. I remove the safety off the gun and cock it.

I sob once, looking up and forcing myself to stare into his eyes, even if he isn’t staring back. I lift his hand up and put the gun to my head.

“Kill me.” I weep, holding his hand firmly on the gun. “Kill me and be done with all this.”

He finally looks at me and my eyes flutter, every second that passed was only making it harder for me to stand properly. I have never seen Jason so angry before, his hand grips the gun roughly and his eyes boar into mine.

“Please just kill me. This is what you wanted; you have me right where you want me. Kill me. Pull the trigger.” I lower my head but keep the gun pressing into my temple, my shoulders rock and tears seep down my cheeks and fall to the floor. “I can’t do this anymore.”