Die for us

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Jason’s POV –

I shut the diary and place it back on top of her dresser. I wasn’t even sure if I had read those two pages correctly or not. I felt like, the words were just jumbled to work in my favor.

Like they were just written for me or something, I can’t really explain it well enough for you to understand.

Well, I can come to the conclusion that Jazmyn won’t lose love for me. I mean, maybe she has but at the same time, reading her diary just opened my eyes a bit. She’ll always love me, she says, and hopefully that’s true. Jazmyn always meant everything she said so I shouldn’t be so hesitant to believe her.

Jazmyn, of all people, should be the first person I believe and trust without uncertainty.

Forgive and forget? One of those is impossible but there’s nothing wrong with starting over and working your way back up, together.

That line describes everything I’m going through in just a few words. Since when was Jazmyn so fucking intelligent? I know she’s not dumb and naïve but Jesus Christ, she has a way with words.

And to think that she looked up to me? I could never write something so meaningful.

‘Together.’

That one word means more to me than anything right about now. Jazzy must know the struggles I’m facing because literally everything I read was corresponding to my life at this very moment. She knows I want to forgive Bryn, but I can’t find the will to do it. It’s like she’s telling me to give it another chance and start from the bottom. Even after what’s become of her or in other words, the outcome which lead to me finding my place with Bryn, she still shows remorse. No grudges maybe, just love, and she wants the best for me. Well, at least that’s what I’m grasping from what I’ve read.

Now, the big question is: do I take her advice or do I do things my own way?

I mean, this isn’t just coming from Jazzy; my mom plays a part in this too. She was mentioned and Jazzy was one hundred percent correct, my mother was huge on forgiveness. If she were alive, maybe she’d offer the idea of it but not want me to fully go along with it.

Even after reading these two pages, which thoroughly touched my heart, I can’t do it. At least not yet. It’s been four days, I still have as much time as I need to think and actually come to a decision that isn’t rushed due to all the signs being thrown at me.

I don’t know what to do next, I mean. The best thing I can do is just, not talk to anyone? I can’t drag on my little thing with Ariel and I can’t keep getting Bryn’s hopes up. They both understand how stressed out I am, although only one of them understands the full reasoning behind it.

So how do I tell Ariel I don’t think seeing her is a good idea? I’m not looking to find a new girlfriend, I’m not looking to find someone new to give my heart and trust too. I just want to go back to how it used to be.

Me, my guns, and my crew.

With a long, hard groan, I walk out of Jazmyn’s room and slowly shut the door. I probably wouldn’t be taking a visit in that room for another long while.

My phone vibrates inside my pocket and I dig inside it shortly after. I look at the screen and see that it’s only a text message from Ariel. What a coincidence.

As I unlock my screen to reply to her message, someone taps my shoulder. I look up and see Megan eyeing me. Her eyes flicker to look at Jazmyn’s door and I stare at her, waiting for a smart comment to escape her lips.