Make My Life Amazing

Chapter 7

so I finished this chapter, and I meant to post it but it was laste so I told myself to do it on Saturday....well, I drove 2 hours to a bithday party for my great grandpa, and then stayed for two hours then left. So I didn't get back until like four. The I had a birthday party for my brother and me, and by the time that ws done with, I was tired....so here's the update....Kind of a filler, but you will live!

Picture of Alex on side...I feel like I should have posted that way before this chapter...

Alex’s PoV

I feel limp, like actually numb. I can't find it in me to cry anymore. I just can't. I feel the need. I feel like I could cry until I flood the Earth with my tears, but when I try to, I can't. I am sitting in a hospital chair insides Lou’s hospital room. I am hunched over. I feel like a zombie. I want to fade away into the walls and disappear from this world. I can't even process anything. My mind is so consumed over this whole situation. I feel numb, but I also feel so tense at the same time. Mostly numb. I want to take the cancer from Lou. Nothing good can come from a two year old having cancer. Lou is so small, too. He is young and small and too sweet to get something like this. No one deserves cancer. No one.

My phone has been ringing nonstop. I don’t bother to pick it up. I know that I won’t be able to say much of anything anyway. It will hurt too much to explain anything. Liam went home an hour ago. Or was it sooner? I don’t know. It’s felt like forever since any of this has happened. I don’t know what to think. Liam’s name flashes on the screen of my phone. I send it to voicemail. I think, in my circle of family, everyone has called me at least six times. Even Danielle, even Eleanor and Louis who I both know are together, even Zayn and Perrie who are also together anyway, even Austin and Addison who are also together.

It’s about two in the morning, and I can't sleep. Lou’s surgery is tomorrow; well, technically today at noon. Then, he has a few days to rest before he starts his chemo and radiation therapy. The doctors don’t know if Lou will make it through the surgery since he is just a little guy. That scares me. I don’t even want to fully process that. I could lose my son. My wonderful, adorable, cute, funny and quirky son might not make it through surgery. I want to cry for this. I’ve never wanted to cry so much in my life, but I just can't.

Lou is asleep on the hospital bed in a hospital gown and a thumb in his mouth. It hurts to look at that. Lou has become my whole world, and I can't imagine my life without him. I can't imagine wanting to get out of bed in the morning without him. I can't imagine getting back to my normal self without Lou. And now I could lose him! Just like that. Yesterday I was excited to see Lou and spend time with him, but now I might lose him. This makes my heart stop for the wrong reason.

I turn my phone on silent. I don’t want to listen to it ring anymore. No one will understand how I really feel. What am I going to do? That has been one of the many things flying through my mind. I know that my life isn’t on the line, but I don’t know what I am going to do because my son’s life is on the line. I don’t think I’d be able to recover if Lou…well...you know. That word is such an ugly word. It makes me cringe. I’ve been exposed to enough death at such a young age that it is sad to say, but death doesn’t scare except when it comes to Lou. That scares me. His death scares me. I am scared that if he dies I won’t have much else left. I don’t have much besides my family. I have fame and money, but that doesn’t mean nearly as much as those around me do. Nothing means more to me than Lou.

I feel like I am repeating the same things over and over again. Maybe I’m not. Maybe I have so many thoughts jumbled in my head that I think I am repeating things, but I really am not. I rub my eyes and temples. I need to get out of this room, but I won’t and can't leave Lou. I want to stretch my legs, but not in this room. I’ve paced these floors too much already. Austin’s name appears on my phone again. I sigh knowing that he won’t stop calling me until I pick up. My thumb hovers over button. I slide the answer button over and put the phone against my ear.