Make My Life Amazing

Chapter 20

So the other day, I met someone named Austin and I actually could not function around him....I just....I was like 'Oh my God, Your name is Austin?' and he was like 'yeah. Why is that a cool name?' and I was like 'Eh you know...I just kind of like the name...' I didn't want to be like 'oh you know I write fanfiction and your name is in it' and I couldn't function the whole time I was around him and I think he thinks I am socially awkward... And that my lovelies is Bella's awkward social story of the day...

Alex’s PoV

I keep a straight face as I walk out of the court room. Memories of the event are fresh in mind. We have to continue tomorrow, and I am dreading it. I can’t believe this. I shake my head and keep it down as I walk to the parked car outside. Paparazzi flash cameras in my face. I glance back and catch a glimpse of Jacob. That bastard. His plead of innocence was bullshit. He claims that some of Collins thugs kidnapped him and put a gun to his head, making him do horrible things. I don’t believe it. I refuse to believe it. His want to live caused me a child and even more pains down the road. He can’t honestly believe that the jury will believe his case, does he? It is too farfetched, and Collins case might differ anyways. There is no proof that Collins made him do it unless Collins admits to it, which he never will if he even forced Jacob to.

I climb into the car. Louis, Eleanor and Austin climb in after me. The car pulls away with people chasing the car, trying to get the best picture. As soon as people are out of sight, I break down into sobs. Austin puts his arm around me to comfort me. That was worse than anything. I had all eyes on me the whole time, and I have never been more uncomfortable in my life. I wanted to cry when I saw Jacob. It only brought back horrible memories. I can't even begin to explain how horrible that time was for me. Every time I think about it, I want to curl into a ball and cry my heart out.

“It’s okay,” Austin coos. My breaths are rapid and short. I feel like I’m hyperventilating. “Alex, you need to calm down,” Austin says. I look up at him through my watery eyes. “Breath in,” I take a deep, shaky breath in, “and out,” I do as he says until I am finally breathing normally. “There you go,” I give Austin a hug. He gives me a sympathetic smile and uses his thumb to wipe my tears away.

Eleanor and Louis turn around to face us. “You better?” Eleanor asks in a soft voice.

I shrug. I don’t know. Am I better? Probably not. I never will be better. Sometimes I am okay with that, sometimes I am not. It depends on how shitty my life is at that moment. Lately, I am seriously hating how fucked up I am. “I’m not better,” I sigh.

“We love you,” Louis smiles sweetly at me. Eleanor and Austin nod in agreement, mumbling the same line back.

“I love you guys, too,” I give them a small smile.

I walk through the door of my house. I haven’t been here in two days. I sigh in content as my bed molds to my body. I feel some of the stress lift off me. I want to sleep forever, but on the other hand, I don’t want to sleep at all. The more I sleep, the less I see my son. I don’t want to miss any moments with Lou. I still can't accept the fact that Lou is supposed to die in a month. What the hell am I going to do with my life? Lou is everything to me. He is my world. I don’t know how I will go on without him. I don’t think I can bear to lose the biggest part of me.

I literally roll of my bed and walk over to my closet. I pull out some pajamas and slowly put them on. I feel so stiff and tense. I brush my teeth and let my hair loose. I climb in bed and turn off my nightstand light. I lie in bed for what feels like hours with no chance of sleep. I keep replaying everything over in my head. This is too much. I keep reliving all the horrible, traumatic events of my life, and I don’t know why. I haven’t done this in a long time. I’ve been able to push those memories deep down, where I can't even find them. I know I won’t be sleeping tonight. I feel alone, and that is the worst feeling of all. Everyone has someone of their own. Me? I’m alone.