Make My Life Amazing

Chapter 12

STORY OF MY LIFE (my story) IS A YEAR OLD AS OF APRIL 15! THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR GETTING ME THIS FAR! <3 I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!

Alex’s PoV

I actually think my best friend hates me. That or she doesn’t care for Lou. I haven’t heard a word from Addison this past week, and it is pissing me off. I will probably throw her down a flight of stairs next time I see her because I have been calling and texting her nonstop. Like, bitch, what happened to forever? I mean, seriously? And she is dating my brother, but Austin hasn’t been talking nonstop about Addison, and Addison isn’t hanging off his shoulder as usual so I don’t know what is going on. Everything is so messed up right now. I don’t know how much more I can take, and the funny thing is that I’m not the real person fighting this battle. Lou is, and he is two years old. I feel so dumb sitting here saying I can't take this, and I am not fighting what I can't take.

I am fighting from the sidelines.

There is nothing I can do to help.

Aside from the fact that my best friend potentially hates me, I do have my family’s support. I have my family here to help me, and that is all I could ask for. I seriously am making this whole thing sound like a battle for myself. I think the only reason Lou isn’t too affected by this, besides the physical pains, is because he doesn’t understand what cancer is! And the way I am explaining this whole situation makes it sound like I am the victim. I am a victim of this catastrophe, but I am not the damsel in distress. I don’t know if you can refer to Lou as the damsel in distress, but I am sticking with it. I am a victim in the sense that I can't seem to stay connected with everything. I just want to shut down and not talk, and I can't let myself do that. I don’t want to do that to Lou. How he would hate to have a mother who does that.

“Can Ize had the purple crayon, mommy?” Lou asks. I pull the purple crayon out of the crayon box and hand it to Lou. “Dank you.”

Lou starts to color a tree purple. I laugh and go back to coloring my dinosaur red. I want my dinosaur to be red. Got a problem with that? Well, Lou’s tree is purple so don’t judge my red dinosaur and me. Then again, Lou is two. Doesn’t matter! Lol no hate! I need to stop…

I am in such a weird mood. I literally went from pissed off to chill. I am like that a lot. Everyone knows that I have screwed up emotions. My family does at least.

There’s a knock on the door. “Come in,” I yell. I glance up and see Niall. “Hey, Ni.”

“Uncle Ni,” Lou reaches his arms out to Niall.

“Hey, buddy,” Niall gives Lou a high-five.

“What’s up?” I ask.

“Just came over to see how you’re doing,” Niall sits on the chair next to the bed, closest to me.

“I’m good, tired, but good,” I say.

“What are you doing?” Niall asks, laughing.

“Coloring. Would you like to join in? We have an extra book,” I say.

Niall laughs. “I would love to,” I grab the coloring book from the other side of Lou and toss it to Niall. “Thank you.”

“No problem,” I say. “Anything interesting going on with any of you? I feel so cut off from the world.”

“Everyone is just stressed over this whole situation,” Niall explains.

“How so?”

Niall takes a breath. “Well, Louis is so quiet, and he keeps his distance from everyone, including Eleanor. Zayn just looks upset, all the time, in general. Perrie is the same, but she tries to hide it, Zayn doesn’t care to. Harry keeps snapping at Rebecca, more than usual. It’s getting to point where I think it might be hurting Rebecca’s feelings. As much as I don’t necessarily like Rebecca, I feel a bit bad for her. Liam is purely stressed. Everything he does just looks stressful. You can feel the stress rolling off him.”