Make My Life Amazing

This is goodbye

So my birthday is today and I am turning sixteen and every birthday I have gets me thinking about life and who I am and who I want to be. But it trips me up. Like who the fuck am I? What have I done to deserve anything? I don’t know, but it gets me every time. Well…I guess just the past two birthdays. Last year I sat in the snow until I officially turned 15. (I was born at 12:19 in the morning so it was dark and cold and I don’t regret a thing) But I don’t know where I’m going with this, but I’ll soon be sixteen and I don’t think I am who I want to be but that isn’t the huge part of this. This is just me rambling to the five people who will actually read this. Of course including Maria:)

I’ve been through this series in that span of about two years since I started the first book  April 15, 2013 and its February now….But like holy shit I devoted two years of my life to this series and I only hate most of the first story because it is so carrot-y like let’s be honest here, I don’t know why anyone even got through that book. You guys are troopers! But I feel blessed that you guys bothered to read through 151,182 words of these two stories. That is the actual amount of words within these two books and if you’re reading this that means you read through that many words oh my God I love you so much for that.

I don’t know if you guys really understand that I love you all so much. You have made my dreams come true. I would repeat the story of how I came to writing but I’ve already done that like five times so I’ll save you the pain and not repeat it. (Wow the run-ons are unbelievable right now) you…you have made my world so much brighter. I, like many teenagers, deal with depression, and I have to admit, you guys are better than any happy pill I could ever take. You leave the most wonderful comments (except for when I got death threats. Still laughing over those) and are literally my friends and family. I would do anything to personally thank you all for helping me achieve my dream. You, one person, have made this possible, and I love you so much for it.

I don’t really know where I am going with this and honestly I don’t think I want to know. I never truly wanted to end this. I never wanted to have to say goodbye. I’m in tears trying to type this. I can't describe how much I’ve grown in my writing and who I am. In the past two years, I’ve made friends who I wouldn’t have without the help of this story. I’ve grown closer with friends I already had. I have achieved something special. I can't thank you enough for that. Like who the hell am I to deserve something so wonderful? I don’t deserve it, but I will treasure it.

Before I actually say goodbye like I need to, I just want to say one thing and if you remember anything from this book please let it be this: YOU ARE WORTH IT!!! I have met too many people who don’t believe this. I have met too many people who would laugh when I told them this. I have met too many people who may never realize that they ARE WORTH IT!!! WE ALL ARE! So please just…just remember that I love you and I don’t know. I don’t believe we can love one another if we don’t love ourselves first, and I have met too many people who don’t love themselves. Please just remember you are worth it, and that you are in control of you happiness and you can make your life amazing (because I had to) if you want it to be!

I guess that’s all I have to say….

So for the last time on this story…

I love you all!

~Bella~

*Jesus what did I just write? I actually have no idea but I think I poured my soul out in a ramble except I don’t ever make sense. Who let me write author’s notes anyway? They shouldn’t have given me that privilege because I actually win the prize for LONGEST AUTHOR’S NOTES EVERRRRRRRRRRRR*

Oh P.S. you're all invited to my birthday party on Sunday. I expect to see you all there ready for my sleepover partttaaayyyyy turn upppppp!!!!

****Updated 3/6/2015

ALSOOOOO

I have an fan account on instagram the I have with my friend @NataliedD4  It's called @onesosdylan and it's clearly super swaggy. we have post pictures of one direction, 5sos and Dylan O'Brien   I learned how to make video edits so clearly I am super cool. Please check it out and maybe follow us? We have been working really hard on it, and it would be cool if you guys followed us and maybe I could get to know you guys better!****

<3