Make My Life Amazing

Chapter 24

Guess what time it is?! That's right!! BELLA'S AWKWARD SOCIAL STORY OF THE DAY!! just to say...I SAW ONE DIRECTION LAST NIGHT IN PERSON AND IT WAS ELECTRIC!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHH IM STILL SUPER HYPER FROM IT!!!!  DO YOU SEE HOW CLOSE I WAS TO THE STAGE?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?! I TOOK THAT MOTHER FUCKING PICTURE!!!!! BRB CHOKING!!!!!!:D

but back to my story...So I was at the concert with two of my cousins one who is like five months older and another who is two years younger. The younger one is a total directioner like me, not so much the one my age. My cousin who is my age got so many pictures of me looking stupid as I fangirled and like cried as One Direction preformed. She was sending them to her friends and guys, and now everyone thinks I am a psychopath literally. Well not a psycopath but crazy weird. I don't really think I am going to get a boyfriend anytime soon...and that my lovelies is Bella's Awkward Social Story of the day...

P.S. ONE DIRECTION IS ELECTRIC IN CONCERT AND FUCK NIALL GRABBED HIS CROTCH AND I DIED RIGHT THERE AND THEN!

Alex’s PoV

Lou’s funeral was the saddest thing to happen in my life thus far. He looked so cute in his little tux, but it was hard. Then I had to make a speech, and I cried in front of so many people. My chest was tight, my hands were shaking, and I was so nervous that I stuttered too many times to count. I know I said I wouldn’t talk, and I didn’t up until that point. I didn’t want to listen or talk. I mostly sat in my room and cry with my door locked, still do. I don’t want people tell me it will be okay because it won’t be okay, ever. A month later I’m still not over the funeral.

Today is different than the past month. The boys start their world tour. I have to go. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to have to face people and have them ask me if I’m okay because I’m not okay. I am still very upset, and I can't let Lou go. I don’t know if I ever can. Lou was such a huge piece of my life, and I can't get over someone like that ever. Lou helped me through struggles in my life without doing anything. Lou was my son, Lou is my son. Even if he isn’t here with me anymore, he will always be my son, my beautiful, loving, caring, adorable, wonderful son. Always and forever. I smile at the thought as I pack my suit case.

I try not to be depressed all the time. I try to smile and laugh. It isn’t always genuine, but I don’t want to cause the boys stress. They are working so hard, and the extra stress would put them over the edge. I am sad, they know this, but hiding just seems to be working better for everyone. I am trying to not shut everyone out of my life. That never ends well. I will try and talk to people when they talk to me. I just won’t be completely responsive.

Everyone is shocked by my behavior. They ask if I am okay and if I miss Lou. Of course I miss Lou and of course I am not okay. I just try to keep my eye on the positive side. It is hard, but it is the right thing to do. This past month I have learned that sulking and crying and whining all the time and shutting people out doesn’t really make me feel better. I just feel crappier. I have had everyone helping me and keeping me on track. I still feel like shit constantly, but day by day, I feel less shitty than the last. Niall especially has been with me. He has sat with me in my room and held me as I cried. It feels amazing to have someone who will just sit there and listen to me talk. I don’t even need advice. I just want someone to listen to me talk. Niall will always listen. That is why I think I love Niall. Think. Keyword: Think. I don’t know. What does it feel like to love someone in that manner? I don’t know so that is why I said think. I can say that I love how he is there for me. I don’t know what it is to love someone that way.

I just miss Lou. I miss him a lot. I miss him waking me up early and having me make him breakfast at nearly six in the morning. I miss cuddling him. I miss his cute, high-pitched voice. I miss Lou giving me his drawings. I miss watching him draw. I miss helping him get dressed. I miss giving him baths. I miss making him dinners. I miss doing his laundry. I miss tickling him. I miss Lou a lot, and it is so hard not having here. I can't believe he isn’t here. Lou made my life amazing, and now he isn’t here to make it amazing. I wish he was still here, but I know he is in a better place. I know that Lou is somewhere where chemotherapy isn’t hurting him, somewhere where Lou is free of cancer. I know he is in good hands.