Make My Life Amazing

Chapter 19

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BROTHER, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BROTHER, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR CAMERON (MY BROTHER), HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BROTHER. so cameron (my brother) is finally 17 and i love him to death (even if he can be a pain in my ass sometime). his birthday is today even if today is almost over(7-29). he will tease me about my watttpad stories all day long but he does keep up with how my stories are doing so i thank him for that

I LOVE YOU CAMERON:)

Alex’s PoV

Niall wraps one arm around my back and places the other on my hip. I have my arms wrapped around Niall’s neck. I run a hand through Niall’s hair as he pulls me even closer, my body pressed against his completely. Niall sucks on my bottom lips and bites it slightly. I hum in delight. I feel like I’m walking on clouds. I love the way Niall is holding me, gently. The door swings open, and Niall and I pull apart. Why do people always walk in on me kissing someone? Niall and I spring apart.

I look over and see Addison, giggling. Austin walks in shortly after. “What?” Austin asks as he notices us all looking at each other.

“Nothing,” Addison slips her hand into Austin’s hand.

“I’m going to find Maria,” Niall announces before leaving.

“Who’s Maria?” Addison asks.

“Niall’s friend or something like that,” I say.

“How are you?” Austin asks me. I shrug. Austin gives me a tight hug. He pulls back and smiles. “When does Lou’s therapy start?”

“Soon, too soon,” I sigh. “And no I don’t want to talk about it,” I say more towards Addison, who I know will ask me if I want to.

I touch my hand to my lips. Holy shit. That was the best kiss I’ve ever had, not that I have kissed many boys. I can't stop the smile. It is soon replaced with my normal look, scared and stress and worry, when the doctor comes in. I feel my whole stomach drop and then flip. I really don’t want to throw up right now. I feel so sick.

Several hours later, Lou is in the room, throwing up what is left of his stomach. I am crying and trying to not let Lou notice. I am constantly wiping my eyes and holding back my hiccups. I can't bear to see my son like this. Lou is emptying his stomach more times than I thought humanly possible. Nurses won’t leave the room. Niall and Maria are down in the cafeteria because I made them leave. I let Austin and Addison stay because I need some people to be here with me, and they are probably the closest to me.

Addison rubs my back and tells me that Lou will be okay. I honestly don’t want to hear that right now. I know that he won’t be okay. I know that Lou will die. We all die eventually, but Lou is being taken from this world before he even had much time to live in it. The world might be cruel and unforgiving, but Lou still deserves to live and learn. There are so many things he won’t get to experience that really change you. Experiencing love and loss. I think those two things are so important in life. Experiencing love shows you the beautiful side of love. Experiencing loss helps you love better and shapes you into someone better or worse, but that’s for you to decide. Love shapes you, too. Sometimes for better, sometimes for the worst. I feel like love and loss have taught me how to live and how to love. I love better because I understand how it feels to be lost and alone and unloved. And when it really comes down to it, I am in a way glad that I grew up the way I did. I feel like I understand the world better. I have a hell of a lot better family and an amazing son.

Austin is just holding my hand. He won’t look me in the eye. I don’t blame him. When I cry, I look so lost and afraid, not that I’m not always recently. I can't help the circumstances I am in, but I sure as hell wish I could. I want to change everything. I wish I had the cancer, not Lou. I would give anything to be in Lou’s place. Lou deserves to live! I only take up space, lots of space. There are so many great things Lou can become. Why shouldn’t he be allowed to live those possibilities? Lou could grow up to be amazing and wonderful. Why shouldn’t he be allowed to be amazing? I rub my eyes again. I really shouldn’t be crying right now, it will only scare Lou, but I can feel Lou’s pain for him. And I hate it.