My Brother's Babysitter (Harry Styles Fanfic)

Chapter 19

Songs for this chapter:

The 1975: Falling for you

The Neighborhood: Sweater Weather

Yazmins P.O.V

Idiot, idiot, your an fucking idiot Yaz. Why cant I just be normal. Hell at least stable. I care, I care so fucking much about that boy that just walked out and that's what hurts the most. Caring. That's why I don't fucking care for people because I don't know how to handle it. And if I try to care its not even remotely close to the way you are suppose care for a person.

I sit alone in my room. This room seems colder and dull then it was already was when he arrived. I sat there thinking what if I had said I cared for him the way he cared for me. Would that changed things? I'm straining my brain just thinking about the possible answers. Or what if I had died today? Would that change things? I have a massive headache just thinking about these possible answers that could leave to something good or bad.

Walking to my bathroom and turning the light on I search for something that would get rid of this massive headache. Looking through my medicine cabinet I found something that I haven't took since last summer. My antidepressants. I didn't really think I needed them anymore since I was just so high on life when I was with Khelo. Happy. But now that I think about it I wasn't really happy I was just letting Khelo feed me all this I love you's", bullshit. I knew he didn't love me, who would love me I'm an worthless shit.

I took out 1 of the pills deciding its time to use them again. My mom and my doctor said I was Bipolar, and depressed when I was in the 6 th grade. I was just not a happy and spirited child like everyone else. I can already feel my self shifting from my natural state. I popped it into my mouth turning on the sink in ducking my head letting the water flow in my mouth, so I can swallow the damn pill. I rinsed off my mouth as I looked up at the mirror.

To tell you the truth I did recognize the girl staring back at me. She seemed lost. But what's so sad about it that girl is me I am lost.I've been fighting and fighting to be some what normal. But I completely and utterly give up on that shit. If I just stop fighting it. My demons. Then maybe I can be. But until then I'm just who I am and whoever cant expect that then well... that's them.

When I look at the clock it reads 1:23 a.m I am exhausted.This has literally been the longest Thursday  of my entire life. I just realized that Jay is coming home tomorrow from his soccer camp, which means that I'll have to see Harry. Just thinking about him makes my heart flutter. I feel guilty for what all I said to him. He didn't deserve that I know he was just trying to make sure I'm okay, but I can take of myself.

Why does everyone feel the need to take care of me. Am I really that dependent? Ever since I was little I didn't really have to fight for anything, everything was basically just handed to me. But when my Dad left abruptly, my mom became more distant towards me.So I sometimes had to get things for myself. Like that time when I was in elementary school and it was a 2 weeks after he left. I waited after school for someone to pick me up, but my mom never came.

So I just walked home, depending that I was only 9 years old I didn't really know where I was going, but mom drive me up to school everyday so I just blindly took the streets she takes in the car. The walk was about an 1 hr long, but being a kid I didn't mind. When I got home she wasn't there and I was starving so I cooked my self an shitty meal. It wasn't even edible , but I still ate it. Jay was only an year old so I didn't know what to feed him my Mom or Dad usually would do that, but since none of them was here I didn't know what to do. I waited in the living room with Jay who was sitting on the floor playing with his toys. About 3 hrs later my mom came home, and cooked for us. I was a little infuriated since she acted like nothing happened, but I let it slide. A few days later I stared walking home every day from school,cooked my self food, and waited for my mom with Jay playing with his toys on the floor while I waited on the couch.Why did my Dad leave? Was I not good enough to be his little girl that will grow up to be a young women. These are the questions I asked my self everyday for almost 9 years since he left. I held so much resentment for my Dad and probably still do. But I just cant grasp on to why he left his daughter, son, and wife.

I didn't even know I was crying tell I ran my hands over my face. I could feel my eyes swell as I wiped my pathetic tears with my sleeve. Why am I even crying about something that happened so long ago. Today out of nowhere it seems to hunt me. Making history repeat itself right before my eyes.

I was not this sensitive when I was little. Literally, when I was about 12 and broke my arm I didn't cry one bit, it felt good to feel pain. But now it hurt like hell, like someone was twisting the knife in my heart, which already been there sense I could remember. Heartache. Heartache is what I'm feeling this very moment. I lay-ed my head on my pillow closing my swollen eyes trying make my self fall asleep. That would be better. Sleep. So I can block everything out.

Harry's P.O.V

I should let her go. I mean why keep holding on to something that was not even yours in the first place. I thought as I sat in front of Yazmins house for like 30 mins. But every time I stay away from her, she seems to come back in my mind, then I need a distraction. Which is Hollie. I sort of feel bad for using Hollie the way I do, but she lets me so why not keep calling her for an distraction. I turned on my car on, then drove out Yaz drive thru. As I drove Yaz was literally all I thought about, and this angered me, my conscience just cant seem to let her go. Before I knew it I was at my house. Its was about 2:27a.m when I opened the door. My mom must be sleeping I thought as I walked up the stairs, which I was wrong since I saw the light on in her room.

"Hey mum" I hastily spoke as I reached her bedroom door. She walked back and forth in her room. When I spoke she stopped in her tracks and turned to me.

"Hey Harry" She spoke. I looked at her she looked tired  as she sat on her bed.

"Where have you been" she glared at me as I just stood awkwardly by her door frame.

"My friend needed help" I half lied.

"Is everything okay" I asked.

"Yea just have a lot on my mind" she paused. "And when I came home you weren't there don't do that to me anymore you almost gave me a heart attack"

"Sorry mum wont happen again" I mumbled starting to walk to my room when she spoke again.

"Hey don't you have to babysit that kid tomorrow its Friday" She asked. Shit I forgot all about that. I been so evolved with Yazmin that I actually forgot that I have to babysit her little brother.

"Yea" I yawned.

"Okay well get some sleep okay? I love you" she hugged me and walked back to her room.

"Love you too" I walked to my bedroom. I decided not to take a shower and just shower and the morning. I stripped out of my clothes and jumped and my bed. It took me about 10mins staring at the ceiling to fall asleep and get her out of my mind.