Definitions

Chapter 57: Encouragement

Taking a break, verb.
People say that like the break is gonna end. In reality, I believe that unless the break lasts less than a few days, it's a forever break. It's a nicer way of saying break up. It means fix us, before we're beyond fixing.

Chapter fifty seven: Encouragement
Going straight to bed turned out to be a not so great idea. I lay for a while, looking up at the ceiling, and thinking about what Josh had said. my mind ran over the conversation I'd had with Simon earlier in the evening, and I began to feel ashamed of myself. I'd been so selfish, without even realising it. I was often completely focused on everything going on in my own life, so much so that Simon had almost completely closed down into himself, to the point where he wouldn't tell me what was the matter because he wasn't sure if I cared enough. I allowed the guilt to eat me out as I tried and failed to fall asleep, until finally, I couldn't deal with it anymore. I reached over, and grabbed my phone, planning to at least text Simon goodnight, and tell him I missed him. If he was still awake, maybe I'd call him. However, I already had a text from Simon, saying 'Jord can you Skype me, I want to talk.' And then another - 'Oh your probs in bed it can wait til morning.' It was about then that I decided I wouldn't be getting much sleep that night.

I leapt out of bed, and sat down at my computer, which was supposed to be rendering a video whilst I slept. I opened Skype, and called Simon. He answered almost immediately, and soon I could see his face on the screen. He looked absolutely exhausted, but I guess I looked worse, having been already half asleep.
"Hey Jordy," he said, giving me a weak smile. Something was definitely up with him, and I felt terrible for making him sad. I returned his smile as best as I could.
"Hey," I replied. "What did you wanna talk about?"
"I just...I think that..." he paused, considering how to convert his thoughts to words. I waited for him to speak, although the silence was killing me. "Maybe we should... I don't know, take a break for a while?" My eyes widened in alarm, although I knew I had upset him, I didn't think it was to this extent. I endeavoured to calm my thoughts, and speak clearly, although it was difficult.
"Simon... I know why you're saying that, I've been almost ignoring what's happening in your life being so focussed on mine, and I'm sorry that I only just realised it. But I don't want to take a break, I need you." His blue eyes looked back at me though my computer screen, dull, and lacking the spark of life they usually held. He shook his head.
"Jordy you did nothing wrong, you should be focussed on your own life at the moment," he said softly. "I don't want to be the one holding you back from that."
"No, you're not Simon, I promise you're not..."
"No," he interrupted, "You're not talking me out of this. I've already made up my mind."
"What? No, Simon don't do this, please."
"I'll see you in a month, Jordyn."

Then he ended the Skype call, and just like that, the image of him was gone. I sat staring blankly at my computer screen, still seeing his eyes staring back at me, and processing what had just happened, and all so quickly. I felt hot tears come to my eyes, and I didn't even bother to wipe them away. That was the thing - Simon was definitely worth crying over. He would have to be such an angel to try and tell me that he was the one in the wrong. I felt like a terrible girlfriend, and I didn't deserve him, that's for sure. And what did he mean, a month? What was in a month's time? My tired brain struggled to think, and suddenly I remembered, and felt like smacking myself in the head. Of course, the world championships for cheerleading. At least he was still planning to come to that. But there was no way I was waiting a whole month, without talking to him once. Did he really think that was going to help me focus on my goal? Simon had always been the one who'd encouraged me to keep going, and to push forward when I'd been playing soccer... well, football, back in the UK. In everything we went through, we did it together, even if we weren't together in person.

You didn't need to be right there to give someone encouragement.

But then, I thought about how Simon had been struggling with his emotions back at home, whilst I'd practically forgotten about him. I began to see things the way he saw it. He'd been there for me, but I hadn't been there for him. Then all of a sudden, I saw a way to fix this mess I'd gotten us in. Without pausing to consider if it was a good idea or not, I scrolled through my Skype contacts, looking for a particular person. The person I always went to when I was having relationship problems.
"Ah, Josh," I murmured, as I clicked on it, and it began to call him. "What would I do without you?"
Whilst I waited for it to answer, I turned on my second monitor, and started looking up flights to England.

A/N: I have a giant cut on my hand and I'm trying to update my Divergent story at the same time its killing me send help pls xD 

But yeah...
This chapter dedicated to all the legends who are keeping up with this story :) I'll try to keep up my update streak for you guys! <3