Shelter

Chapter 41

*Josh*

Even though she laid there beside me, naked and drained, my mind wouldn't rest.

Why did she lie?
What does Greg want?
What's happening?

As I sat up and leaned against the bed head shirtless, I looked down at her. Was she catching feelings? Feelings I don't want her to have. Feelings I don't want her to keep. This, this between us isn't love.

I moved the blanket away from me and stood off the bed. Dressed in my greg track pants, I walked over towards the little bar and poured myself a cup of vodka. The moon was enough to allow me to see my way through my room.
I took a few sips from my cup as I walked over towards the window.

Insomnia.

Nightmares.

Insomnia.

When I shut my eyes I either saw his face and the belt upon my skin or my mothers eyes when she fell soulless to the ground.
But when she's there, Mariella, I close my eyes and see nothing. Nothing. Just a blank, lost boy.
No torture, no pain, no tears, just a dark tunnel.

Why?

I jerked as warm fingers sat on my shoulder. I looked over my shoulder to see Ella standing there, holding the bed sheet around her. I took another sip of vodka and remained looking out at the moon and the stars around it, thinking.

Ella rested her head against my back as one arm wrapped around me. She whispered "I see them"

I frowned, looking down at her over my shoulder.

"I see the scars that are lightly marked against your skin. They look very old?" she asked.

"Years" I said, looking away and out the window as I sipped my vodka and she rested against my back.

"Is that why I can't touch you?" She whispered.

"You're touching me now" I groaned.

"During sex"

Because when I was tortured, I never got to touch or hurt him back.

"What are they from?" Ella leaned away, running her free hand along my back scars as she held the bed sheet around her with her other hand.

"None of your business" I said, walking towards the bar and pouring myself another cup.

"You drink a lot" she said, standing by the window as the moon showed her in a different, beautiful way.

"Also none of your business" I said, standing by the bar as I gulped down another cup.

"Why are you so afraid to talk to me?" She walked towards me, "Why are you afraid to touch me in a way that doesn't just involve pain"

"Pain is all I know" I whispered, looking down at her as she stood toe to toe with me.

"Have you tried?"

"Tried what" I sighed, holding the empty cup in my hands by my side.

"To make love?"

"Love?" I chuckled lightly "I don't know love"

"You do" she looked up, almost like she could see past my dark grey eyes. "Lana, Nicolas and Emily. That's love"