A Royal Engagement

Made Minds

(DAYU)

"What?" I scrambled off the bed to stand in front of Qing. "You will confess everything, to your Family and to the public? To everyone?"

Qing nodded.

"But why?"

Qing took my hand. His hand still felt cold but his smile on me is as warm as the first ray of the sun in the morning. Awakening. Invigorating.

"That's the only way we can have a clean slate and make this engagement real," he said while squeezing my hand.

My heart stopped. Real? This engagement to be real? What did he mean? He want the engagement with me to be real? He...Qing...he...

"I want to be with you Dayu." He said while looking at our holding hands. "I think and think and think about it for many hours. Jumbled it all in my head. Threw everything I know and I believe out. Pick them all up again one by one. Shake them all in mind. Tried speaking them loudly. Tried shouting them. Whispered them when I am alone. I got angry. I got scared. I even cried. I even prayed. I kept my distance from you. Convinced myself I am doing this the right way. Lied to myself. Tell myself the truth. Close my eyes. Open them again. Think of the past, this present and what I want and need in the future. And after all of that, I realize..." he looked at me and smile again.

I swallowed, "You realize what?"

"I only see you." He replied while staring at my eyes. "I only ever see you. I only ever remember you. And that's when I made the decision to let you go..."

I almost swayed on my feet, "Y-you are letting me go?"

Qing nodded, "So I can come to you cleanly and you can decide if you also see me."

Oh I see him. I see him so much.

I bit my lower lip as tears form in my eyes. "Qing...are you sure..."

"No," he shook his head. "No, I will never be sure. But what I am sure of is this, if I am doing this, I want to do this with you. If I have to look bad and unworthy to everyone, I want the reason for that to be you. If I have to shed off my perfect image, I want to show everyone that I am doing it for you. Because I think you are my reason now for doing, whatever it is I am doing..."

Oh God! Oh God! What should I do? What should I do?

I shake my head, "No! No, don't do it!" I cried out before shaking his hand off mine. "Don't..."

"Dayu," he stood up and held my shoulders before I can ran away from him. "What is wrong?"

"You!" I shouted at him. "Why?! Why will you ruin everything...you...your name...your title...WHY?!"

"Dayu..."

"Don't!" I held on to his arms. "Don't Qing...I am afraid,"

He hugged me. I plastered myself to his damp chest. "I am scared too. But what can we do? I cannot start us while lying to everyone. And I also have Shunu to think about..."

Shunu...his girlfriend. The girl who will get hurt by what we are doing.

"I will be willing to hide," I cringed as I said those words. "I can still stay beside you but not exposed..."