he isnt that bad

little birdie

sebastian was home in his basement punching the crap out of his punch bag  he had been doing so since he got home.

" why do i always make things worse" he berated himself as he punched the punch bag.

" seb honey you have a visitor " maggie called down the stairs

" please dont be rachel please dont be rachel" sebastian muttered to himself hoping she hadnt come to talk to him about him telling hunter they were together.

" hey sebastian " blaine said

" oh its you" sebastian said relieved

" yes just me" blaine said walking over and holding the punch bag  sebastian  could pummel it.

" think i can guess why your here" sebastian said as he resumed punching

" i came to see if you were alright" blaine said

" im fine" sebastian said

" really" blaine said

" yeah im fine why wouldnt i" sebastian said hitting harder

" sebastian" blaine said

" look blaine i really dont want to talk" sebastian said

" tough" blaine said

" what" sebastian snapped

" you have to talk to me  you told me that you had slept with her you told me the thruth about that night and you chose to tell me you love her so now i see you acting weird and it making rachel uncomfortable. i have held up my end of our agreement remember when jacob was born you begged me to look out for her and told me that if anything happened to her at school i had to tell you i told you about the doll in her locker. i have told you if anyone at school has said anything to her. i have had to lie to kurt which i dont like doing but i know its in rachel's best interests." blaine said

" im grateful blaine i am its just it never ends it never gets easier" sebastian said

" i cant imagine how hard it must be for you especially now that she knows how you feel" blaine said

" i cant believe i said it it was just it was finn who she used to follow around like a lost puppy when he turned up and told me he was  to be jacob's dad from now on i snapped. i know since she got pregnant she has been off the idea of dating cant say i blame her. puck was still in love with quinn finn was always back and forth between her and quinn jesse just used her and i knocked her up i can see why she would see guys as a bad thing. i was ok with that if she wasnt dating  i  can cope with that. but the idea that she might i cant  blaine i just cant i know i should be happy for her i have screwed up so much of her life i should want her to be happy. i do want her to be happy but only with me. " sebastian said

" its eating you up you have to talk to her" blaine said

" i cant do that i already did she said she didnt know how she felt about it at the time i was ok with it i convinced myself that there was hope as she didnt say no. now however i cant shake off the thought that she doesnt have feelings for me but she said that so that things wouldnt be so awkward between us" sebastian said

" then you have to try to move on its eating you up" blaine said

" i cant do that blaine how the hell can i do that she is the mother of my baby its not like she is just some girl who i can avoid seeing. " sebastian said

" you have to talk to her" blaine said

" no" sebastian said

" i mean really talk to her" blaine said

" no she has enough on her plate without this" sebastian said

" so what your just gonna tell every guy she speaks to that your together then rush off when she finds out you have done that " blaine said sebastian couldnt help but chuckle at that.

" if i have to" sebastian said jokingly

" she suspects that i know something" blaine said

" how " sebastian asked

" she is my musical soulmate she knows me plus there are only so many time you can argue with kurt and i defend you before she will wonder why" blaine said

" its just with it been valentines day on Friday i dont know what to do should i get her something she knows i love her but would it make her feel awkward or more awkward around me. should i do nothing would she be upset if i didnt. is finn gonna try and win her over" sebastian said

" one thing that i can reassure you on is finn rachel doesnt want to be with him she said so when she was pregnant she said her life was about to be so serious and she didnt have time for his back and forth issues" blaine said

" she said that" sebastian asked a smile creeping on his face

" she said that" blaine said nodding

" well i guess thats something " sebastian said blaine was looking at him

" what" sebastian asked

" why dont you tell her the thruth about that night" blaine asked

" no" sebastian said

" but what if that makes her look at you differently" blaine said

" blaine do you have any idea how hard it was for me afterwards" sebastian said his eyes filling with tears

" no i dont but i think she has a right to know" blaine said

" so what you think me telling  her that i told her that night at the party that i was in love with her and how we spent the night together and how i woke up thinking yes this is the start of something only for her to wake up and freak out. not even been able to look at me as she got her clothes and left without saying goodbye " sebastian said

" even if nothing does happen she got pregnant that night knowing you loved her would surely make her feel better about what happened" blaine said

" my head hurts" sebastian said

" im gonna go but i will just say one more thing whatever you decide to do a d whatever happens because of it you always have jacob he is part of her and no one can take that away from you not finn not anybody" blaine said walking to the stairs.

sebastian sighed what was he going to do he wondered he ws exhausted emotionally and physically.