Niall Horan Child Preferences 3

#67 Happy Family?

Warning!- Mention of Self Harm!

Me, Niall, 6 year old Ethan and 3 year old Aaliyah were all walking around Los Angeles shopping.
We all had smiles on our faces, I was genuinely happy.. for once.

I was holding Ethan's hand and Niall was holding Aaliyah's hand.

Niall huffed when he noticed paps .
"What's wrong Daddy?" Aaliyah asked sweetly.
"Nothing princess" he told her pulling her , me and Ethan closer to him as the paps got closer.

"Dad? Why do they always do this?" Ethan asked.
"I don't know bud, but it gets very annoying" Niall said.

Once we escaped the paps we started to walk back to the house Niall bought here a long time ago.

We finally arrived home and entered the house.

"Can we go in the pool?" Ethan asked.
"Of course, go get your swimming shorts on but don't go in the water yet" Niall told him and he ran off to his room.
"I'm going to go and have a bath, will you be okay with them?" I asked and Niall nodded pecking my lips.
He picked Aaliyah up and took her into her room to help her get her swimming costume on.

I ran a hot bath that was fully with bubbles.
I made sure all the windows were closed before stripping and climbing into the bath.

I thought about everything in my life, everything negative, I didn't bother thinking about the happiness.
The depression took over.

I thought about the hate, the death threats, all the abusive comments I've received for being with someone I love, all those arguments with Niall when I said things I didn't mean running through my head. All those times I'd been pushed away as a child, by my own mother and father who were more bothered about drugs and alcohol more than their child.
I vowed I'd never do that but now, I'm doing worse.
I'm lying to my kids, I'm lying to my husband, pretending to be happy when I'm not. I love Niall and the kids, they do make me happy , but I just can't physically be happy ,the depression has officially taken over me.

I didn't realise I was crying until I began sobbing. Niall, the kids, they were outside they wouldn't hear.
I sobbed as I thought about my life.
I wanted to end it, but I know what it's like to not have a mother around and I'd upset Niall, which I never want to do.

I looked on the counter, I saw my razor.
I contemplated .
It will relive the pain.

I slowly and shakily picked it up, taking it apart to get to the blades as I sobbed.

"Y/n? Baby what's wrong?" Niall pleaded but I stayed quiet and held the razor above my wrist.

"Please open the door!" He begged.
A loud bang on the door causes me to drop the blades onto the floor.
I wiped my tears and climbed out the bath wrapping myself in a towel.
I opened the door and was faced with Niall.
"Where are the kids?" My voice cracked.
"They're sleeping" he whispered as he looked at my tear stained face.

He let himself in the bathroom, locking the door behind him.

"What's wrong? Are you unhappy? I..if you are..w..we can try counselling" Niall said thinking it was his fault.
"No" I whispered.
"I can't be happy, but it's not because of you" I mumbled closing my eyes and letting a tear fall before opening them again.

Niall glanced at the floor and noticed the razor blades.

He raised his gaze to meet mine.
He was about to cry. I could tell. I upset him, something I never wanted to do.

"You didn't, did you?" He asked his voice almost inaudible because of how quiet he spoke.
I shook my head no.
"Why? Why would you want to do that to yourself?" He asked sadly.
"I'm sorry" I said letting out a sob.

He engulfed me in his arms, my head pressed against his chest as I sobbed into his shirt.
"I..I I just can't do this anymore! Please! Just let me go! Let me leave this place! Let me be with my Nanna" I sobbed.

Niall held my shoulders so I was looking at him. He was crying.

"You really think I'll let you leave me? Leave me, Ethan and Aaliyah. I can't imagine my life without you" He said letting out a sob of his own.

"We need to get you help! I can't let this depression take over you! It's already gotten bad , and I've not noticed. You can't leave us" he cried.

"I love you too much" He sobbed.
"I love you too" I cried.

He engulfed me in his arms again.
"You'll get better, I'll make you happy again" he whispered.