The Right Kind of Wrong

Almost

The next day, naging stable na ang vitals ni Jel. Malaki ang pasasalamat namin sa diyos dahil magagawa na ang susunod na step. Her family decided that she will go brain surgery. Wala naman kasing choice kundi ang nasabing procedure. Before siya pinasok sa OR, i was given some time to be with her. I talked to her again, kahit na hindi tiyak na maririnig niya ako.

"Hi baby." Bati ko sa kanya. She is just still the same. "Today is your big day. I want you to be strong okay? Andito lang kaming lahat para sayo." I give her hand small kisses. I just hope she can feel me. "Jel, do you remember your nightmares that you told me? I have remembered them, naisip ko, maybe those were premonitions for what happened to us. I am saying this now, because i dont want you to go near that cliff if you find yourself there. Umatras ka Jel. Wala na si Benjamin para pigilan ka. You can get away from there. Come back home to me okay? I know you can find your way out baby. Just be strong. I love you so much Jel. See you in a bit." Hinalikan ko na ito sa pisngi at bago pa ako tumalikod, nakita ko na may pumatak na luha galing sa kanyang mata. Oh my God. Dali dali ko siyang hinawakan ulit. It was just a tear but i have my hopes up. Napahikbi na rin ako. "Jel baby can you here me? Please remember what i said okay? Be strong. Mahal na mahal kita." Iyak kong sabi sa kanya. I wanna stay for long pero pinapalabas na ako ng nurse dahil she will be prepared for the surgery. Hinalikan ko na lang siya ng mariin sa pisngi. I uttered my prayers before i go out.

Napaiyak si Tita Susie sa kinuwento ko. Though we have our hopes up, hindi pa mawawala ang pag alala namin sa resulta ng surgery. We prayed all through out the procedure. The surgery lasted for 6 hours and it was the longest and most agonizing hours of our lives.

After they transferred Jel back to her room, the doctor spoke to us about her condition.

"Masyado hong mahina ang response ni Jel sa treatment. We were confident she will maintain her vitals all through out but when we were in the middle of surgery, she went into cardiac arrest. Mabuti na lang nakabalik siya kaagad. Though success naman ang pagkuha ng mga bloodclots niya sa utak, we still need to be open sa lahat ng possibilities lalo na sa nangyari kanina. We got 24-48hours para maobserbahan kung may improvement ang surgery natin. Lahat na ho nagawa natin, manalangin na lang tayo na magiging maganda ang results." Paliwanag ni Dr. Martinez. Nanlumo kami sa narinig. We took the chance and yet she is still on the edge of dying. All we need to do is pray. Pray hard until God could hear our silent cries. Hindi pa Niya puwedeng kunin sa amin si Jel. Marami pa kaming gustong gawin. Wala na kaming nagawa kundi ang umiyak.

The first week after her surgery was crucial. She was still in coma. Walang araw na walang siyang seizure. The doctors said it was the side effect of the surgery, as well as the trauma in her head. Lahat naman ginagawa nila. They repeat the scan, there were accumulations of fluids on her brain and it can only be cured by medications. BUT its up to Jel how she will respond. We asked the doctors kung bakit hindi pa siya nagigising. Sobra na isang linggo na ang nakalipas. Wala silang concrete na maisasagot kasi ginagawa naman nila lahat, she really got a severe head injury and they said her brain isnt responding well or the healing is a bit slow. Brain is a very complex organ in the body, the doctors can not really say whats gonna happen. Its really up to the organ or to Jel to heal. Kahit na low ang chances ni Jel magising, hinding hindi kami mawawalan ng pag asa.

Balik trabaho na rin ako, kailangan. The issue about what happened died down dahil nabulok na si Benjamin sa libingan niya. Wala ng issue ang nabuo pagkatapos nun. Paminsan2 may nagtatanong pa rin sa akin, sinasagot ko naman ng tama. Hindi na muna ako bumalik sa condo ko. Mas lalong hindi ako makatulog kapag doon. All i can think about is her. My Jel. Paminsan2 nga napatulala na lang ako habang sa gitna ng trabaho dahil sa pag iisip lang sa kanya, pero i need to be professional. I need to be strong.

Isang buwan ang nakalipas, nothing really happened. Tulog pa rin ang mahal ko. Kahit na maintain niya ang vitals niya, Jel is still on coma. Walang mintis ang pagbisita ko sa kanya. Araw2 ko pa rin siyang pinupuntahan. Kinakausap. Pinapaalala ang mga masasaya naming alaala. Hinahawakan. Kinukwentohan ang mga nangyari sa araw ko. Kahit na pagod sa trabaho, bumibisita ako. Siya pa rin ang nagpapalakas sakin. At araw2 umaasa ako na magigising ito. Kahit na araw2 ko siya nakikita, miss na miss ko na si Jel. Her lovely eyes looking at me, her smile that always melt my heart, her jokes that makes me laugh kahit corny, her sweet words that made me love her more, her touch that made me feel secure, and her soft lips pressed on to mine. I miss all of her.