The Opposite Of Good

[9]Gone

The next few days came and went. Each day much more bad, depressing and overall horrible than the last, constantly reminding me of the disregarded existence that I obtained.

The last few days, Ben's abuse haven't stopped, especially when he got turned down by Daisy Banks two days ago. It was really bad because he kept on yelling at me about how I made his life a living hell every chance he got. Ben didn't once see me as a person, he saw me as an object, his object. And there was nothing that I wanted more than to be able to fight against him.

The truth was that I was tired of his abuse. If I didn't try now...try to find somewhere to escape, I would up dying because of Ben. I wanted him to see the fault in his actions. Because he hurt me, broke me, tore me apart and I'd never be the same again. But what I was promising myself was that I would show Ben that he didn't control me.

My encounters with Hanna have not stopped at all, we still met everyday and talked about several things. Talk about how my day went and also talk about the things I liked, the things we both liked. Sometimes she told me funny stories about her husband and her seven years old daughter. I was well aware that she sometimes wanted to ask me about Ben but I once made it clear that I didn't want to discuss Ben when I was with her. She always had to hold herself back every time because she was afraid to ask, since the abuse was a very touchy subject to me. But I couldn't help that there was a part of me that felt guilty. I haven't been entirely honest with Hanna about... Ben. And as much as I thought of the fact that Hanna knew, made me gain the fear. The fear of Ben finding out and then...me having to deal with the outcomes and consequences of going against his word.

I've only seen Justin a few times these past few days. He has not been coming to school a lot. The past week and a half, I'd say that he's been to school only three times, not once bothering to talk to me. I didn't really know if that made me happy or not.

Today was Saturday, as usual I was locked up in the house. All I could do was listen to a lot of emo music. It was what kept me sane at least. I was sprawled up on my bed, wearing long pajama bottoms that had gray and white hearts all over them. I wore a white tank top and socks that didn't match. The peace was distracted the sound of the front door slamming shut, and then after a few minutes, a car driving out. I sighed in relief when I realized that Ben was now gone. I stood from the bed, and went over to the kitchen. It always seemed to be clean. Ben doesn't clean, I don't clean so I wonder who it was. I never even asked him because he's... who he is. I took a bottle of water and rushed back to my room, scared that Ben might find me here.

When I entered my room, my heart almost stopped beating as my body stood frozen on the spot. I let out a gasp simultaneously with the bottle falling to the ground.

The boy in front of me looked at the bottle on the floor, then at me.

What was he doing here?

At this moment that Justin Hazard stood in front of me, a smirk appeared on his face.

"Well, hello cakes." His facial expression proved that he obviously was happy with himself.

"What are you doing in here? I can call the police Justin. You are capable of breaking in and you just broke into my room." What the hell was he even thinking?

Justin started laughing. "Yeah uhm... that's kind of a hobby of mine." My anger increased. What was wrong with him?

"But seriously though, didn't you miss me?"

I shook my head instantly. "No, I didn't. Matter of fact I wish you would just leave me alone already."

"Now, why would I do that?"

"Because I said so. I mean don't you have better things to do other than breaking into my room to say most stupid things?"

"Come on cakes, climbing into an open window is hardly breaking in."

I was pissed off, I was afraid. Justin already knew that I was a sad person, that all I felt was pain. He was so close to knowing about Ben and him being here, was just not good at all.

Justin stared at me, looking like he was having an internal conversation. His playful mood has gone away and he was now serious.

"Why do I feel like this towards you?" He asked and I stiffened. Was this the part where the boy admits his love for the girl?

But I can't imagine Justin Haz-

"Coldness. Anguish is what radiates from you. I mean your whole demeanor screams out torment it invites me in. And I see how you're always trying to hide it with a smile but I had always managed to see through you. The excruciating distress behind the pretty fake smile."

If he knew so much about my life and my feelings, why did he even care anyways? And how could I invite him in?

"Stop trying to figure me out, my  life is none of your business Justin."

The fact that Justin was so close to finding out the truth behind everything petrified me, because Everytime I remembered Ben's words that if I dare told anything to anyone, he was going to kill Kate and Leah.

"Deny it all you fucking want cakes but as I told you, I know pain when I see it. I'm of course not expecting you to confide in me, matter fact I'm not expecting shit from you. I just thought that..." Justin stopped mid sentence, making me raise a brow at him.

He shook his head and released a breath of air.

"You know what, just forget I even came here." 

He turned to jump out the window but in a quick move, I came closer and clutched his wrist.

Was this the right thing to do? Do I let him in, allow him to help me escape my everyday experience of disquietude? Could all that even happen without anyone being hurt? Without anyone being caught up in the crossfire? Without any person getting involved in the matter at hand?

Could I even trust Justin? How did he even know that I'm always portraying a façade to hide my real emotions?

Without any further thoughts, I let his hand go and watched it drop down to his side.

Justin looked at it and looked at me again.

"Leave." My voice sounded cold, hopeless, extremely sad and...dead. I sounded dead inside, like I had already accepted my defeat. I felt powerless as I watched my only chance of hope going away right in front of my eyes. Disappearing out of my window, until no piece of him was no longer in my line of sight. And I stood there, a tear trickling down my face.

I felt all sorts of emotions at once, like a tornado of emotions occurring in me. I felt weak, I felt defeated, I felt like I was giving up.

And maybe I was.

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