The Opposite Of Good

[39] The Truth

[Justin's P.O.V]

I didn't want to keep her out anymore, keeping her oblivious. I didn't want to keep my feelings bottled up when my heart kept yelling at me to open up.

The truth is that I got to see just how Amara cares about me today. I knew that already but my heart danced harder when she didn't go to school just to take care of me because I apparently have some stupid fever.

In that moment, I looked into her eyes, shock lining my features...and I saw that she meant it. I saw that she genuinly cared about me. ME. I'm not that special that the most amazing girl like her can sacrifice spending time with her friends at school just to look after me.

That brought back memories. I've never had anyone to take care of me in that way. Amara came into my life when I least expected it, she was just like an angel fallen from the sky. A troubled Angel who found this demon called Justin Hazard.

And I'm selfish. I'm selfish of her. I can't help but think of how much her life would be better without me in it. She's just found her light but I'm that dark part in her life that ruins everything. That dark part that prevents the light from reaching it's greater potential.

Everyone that is close to me is in unimaginable danger, I don't want to lose her. But at the same time, I need her.

I need all of her. I like her so much hell I might even love this girl.

I took in an incredibly deep breath...

...and I needed to tell her that.

I looked at her, she looked beautiful today. She looked beautiful everyday. I just wanted to hug her and hold her...kiss her.

But I don't deserve her.

"Justin...I appreciate what you're trying to do but I'm just...are you sure that you're ready to say everything?" She asked in a skeptical way but I just lamely smiled at her.

I didn't even belive that I was about to do this...I was still under the influence of those pills I took earlier. But deep down, I wanted to tell her all about me.

"It's what's right cakes."

She shook her head unconvinced "It's not about what's right or what's wrong Justin. Its about your feelings."

Why was she doing this? I thought she'd be happy to know that I'm willing to open up to her. Something I rarely do.

Without thinking, I placed my hands on hers, completely covering them.

"And I want to. Firstly I want to apologize cakes."

"About what?" Her answer came immediately.

"I feel like I have taken advantage of you these past few days. When I kissed you I was just...fuck I'm sorry."

I caught a red shade covering her cute cheeks... "No need to apologize Justin. Why are you even apologizing? You didn't take advantage me, I contributed just as much as you did to those kisses that we've shared."

I inhaled, the thought of those kisses visiting my mind.

"I just hate that we reached there without you knowing everything about me." Her eyes widened.

"And I hate disappointing you. I might not be the person you think I am cakes." I felt her tense before she removed her hands from under mine. My heart broke but I soon felt one of her small soft hands under my chin, lifting my head up until my eyes met her soft green irises.

"I don't care who you think you are Justin. To me, you'll remain the boy that saved my life. And I'll forever be grateful to you for that."

Oh God, she shouldn't be thanking me. Once I tell her everything she's gonna hate me.

I breathed in deeply "Cakes my mother died years ago when I was still young. I could've died as well...I could've killed myself because she was all I had. Literally the only family I had around. And I loved her with everything in me, I still love her till this day, I love her and miss her daily. I've never really accepted that she was gone, I just kind of forced myself to move on."

Amara looked at me like she was sorry for me. It wasn't in a way that made me feel like she pitied me... because she didn't. She looked like she can relate...which I knew she can.

"I was taken to a children's home when I was just 11 years old and there was nothing I hated more than being there. So I became that boy that didn't talk to anyone, ever. I just wanted people to stay out of my way and I would stay out of theirs. It was painful inside but I held up an emotionless face. That's where I met Levi. I think he also hated that place because he kept on behaving more or less like I did everyday. So he became the first person I ever talked to. I kept having conversations with him about just how much we hated being there...and also how we got to that children's home. He was the first person I ever opened up to about my mother's death. This went on for months until we had become best friends. At times, he made me feel better and even though I was still hurting for my mother, I tried to let myself heal...which I'm still trying to do even today." I stopped talking to look at Amara, to see how she was reacting to all of this.

I don't know what reaction my fucked up heart was expecting but it certainly wasn't to see my angel cry. My heart broken into a million pieces at the sight of her crying but it was overwhelmed by a warm feeling as soon as I realized that she was crying out of hurt from my own grief.

Did she care about me so deeply that she'd cry?

I reached out and carefully wiped her soft cheeks with my palm. Her warm tears wet my hands as I wiped them off her face. Her eyes held mine, my heart exploding from so much warmth and comfort just by looking at her. She was truly beautiful.

I wouldn't be opening up about the darkest, the most doleful memories filled with sorrow to just any person that didn't mean a lot to me. I wouldnt be free to talk about my dead mother to just any person that didn't hold any special place in my heart. I wouldn't be eager to see where this would all go after she gets to know me, after she gets to know some of my deepest secrets if I didn't feel a certain way about her.

And now there's no running away from it, from the truth. The Truth that embroided itself in my heart with a sharp object, intending to stay on there forever and ever. There's no denying it now when it's so clear in my heart, in my mind... that I'm in love with her.

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