The Opposite Of Good

[67] Emotional

They finally let me out a day later. I was still pissed at the fact that I spent so much time in there, but I was mostly happy to be going out to see her.Was I even happy? I've done this to her, I've caused this pain to her. I deserve to be beating myself up about it, not being happy about seeing her.

I climbed into Levi's passenger seat as he took off.

The nerves rise the closer we are getting to the hospital.

"You know it wasn't your fault, right?" Levi reminded me and I clenched my teeth angrily.

"It is, now stop talking." I know I was being harsh when he was just trying to help, I think, but I was still in a bad mood right now.

"You're just beating yourself up about this for no fucking reason Justin." He continued and I wanted to punch him in the face. Seriously, why couldn't he just shut up?

I don't say anything else and he takes the hint, thankfully keeping quiet for the rest of the drive.

When he parked in the lot, I took some time before exiting the car but I eventually did.

The last day and a half, I've been talking and thinking about coming here to see how Amara was doing but now that I was actually here, it felt like my world was shattering once again. I found myself not wanting to be here but I couldn't leave because Amara was here. I wish I could tell her how sorry I am for doing this to her, that I wanted to protect her but ended up being the one she should've been protected from...even though fucking shooting her was nowhere near my mind.

I walk up to the entrance with Levi and some people gave me weird looks probably because I looked like a zombie... not that I gave a shit about anything.

Levi informed the receptionist that we are here to see Amara but in the middle of his sentence, I zoned out and thought about how she was doing. I really wanted to see her even though I was afraid of her state.

She tells us her ward number but says we should wait upstairs for about ten minutes because visiting hours don't start until then.

We take the elevator and once we reach Floor 8, we walk to room 16 and I noticed Leah and Kate sitting on the couches in front of the door, leaning against each other as if they were mourning.

What the fuck...Amara is fine, right?

I sucked in a breath as Levi and I walked to them.

Leah's head rises up and I could tell she has mixed feelings, probably happy that Levi's here and then there's me who was the actual reason for everything. She gets up and goes to hug Levi.

"Justin" Kate says and I look at her.

"Kate...hi" I swallow "Do you know how...she's doing?" I asked and she tensed before quickly recovering. Kate stood up and sighed.

"Dr Fegurson said she is responding well to the medication. They've taken the bullet out and he told us that Amara lost a lot of blood, part of her liver was damaged but not too much. She just lost too much blood and they're trying to... repair the damage to the liver or something like that."

"So she hasn't woken up yet?" I asked and my voice was as low and strained as I feel inside.

Leah shook her head side to side, confirming what I've been suspecting "No. She's been unconscious since...well-"

I nod immidiately, not wanting her to continue with the sentence. I couldn't bear anyone telling me to my face that I shot Amara. It just sounded so wrong... I would never do so intentionally. I love her...God I love her so much the thought of seeing her in any kind of pain is like a stab to my heart, especially if I'm the one that has caused it.