The Opposite Of Good

[40] Toxic

[Amara's P.O.V]

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I wanted to cry. More. I can't believe what Justin was saying to me. He actually went through all of that on his own?

I know the pain very well, the pain of losing your parents that you loved...especially when you're just young. Its the worst feeling ever. It feels like your world has been shuttered into a million and one pieces and there's no putting them back together. Because you know it's hard work and beyond your control placing all the pieces together, having to decide which one fits where.

I can't ever imagine him at eleven years and hurting in that way. It just wasn't fair. Life wasn't ever fair.

I was into my thoughts when I suddenly felt something warm brush softly against cheeks. I looked up and saw Justin's face. He looked really vulnerable right now, so so...open. I didn't even realize that I was crying, but I just focused on him. He looked totally opposite to how he was when I first met him. He was like a different person right now and this was the sight I had longed to see.

Our eyes locked, and there was nothing that I wanted in this moment more than to tell him just how I felt about him.

There was nothing that I wanted more in this moment than to hug him tight and let us go through our healing process together. Pretty little broken souls trying to find solace in one another.

"I don't know what to tell you Justin. Saying I'm sorry won't help you because I hated hearing that when my parents died. And 'I'm sorry' is definitely not gonna bring your mother back. All I can say now is that I'm here for you." I was just so...my heart was bleeding for him.

Justin cracked a small smile after he had gone silent for a while. "You're amazing."

I felt my own lips tug up in a grin "No, you're amazing."

He averted his gaze away "I just dont know if you're still going to think of that once you know everything."

My body tensed. There was always everything to ruin the moment, right?

"What do you mean?" I uttered before I even thought about it. "Does this have to do with your...'work'?" His eyes shot back to me, immiditeately before looking down. "Come on I'm no fool Justin." My voice has somehow risen. "You think I'm totally oblivious to what you have as work? Listen it takes me deep courage to say this but I know that you're in a gang."

His eyes widened before he swallowed. "Cakes I... How did you know?" He asked. Was that all he could say? In fact, was he even asking that question?

I got up from the bed. "Seriously?" I asked, looking down on him. His face looked rather pale and he simply seemed afraid. Like this was something that was his worst nightmare.

"Justin you literally stay away late at night and leave me alone with Nick. And then when you return, you're all bloody and bruised. I know you're definitely involved in streetfighting and probably in a gang. How else would you afford such an apartment, such a car because you're ONLY EIGHTEEN and it's not like you're some famous popstar. Do you actually think I'm totally unaware that you're involved in some dodgy shit!"

I don't know why I was getting so worked up by this...probably because I was hurting. I was hurting that he got to do this based on being left alone after his mother died, without no other family around. Based on the fact that he had no guide...a person that would make sure that he doesn't make decisions he'll regret.

DECISIONS THAT MIGHT COST HIM HIS DAMN LIFE.

His eyes dropped, "You're right. Everything you said is correct Amara. I am involved in a gang but I just want to clear out that it was never what I wanted. I was forced to join." His eyes were desperate and so was his voice. Pleading. He was desperate for me to understandand.