The Opposite Of Good

[50] Requisite

"Come on Am let's go out." Leah whined as I've been declining for the past hour. I didn't at all feel like going out but she didn't stop trying to convince me. Today made the second day I had broken up with Justin and I'm already hating myself for it because I can't stay away from him both physically and emotionally. All I want is to be touched by him and loved by him. I miss him deeply and I'm wondering if he's also feeling the same way.

"No I don't feel like it."

She collapsed onto the bed next to Kate and they both looked at me with sympathetic eyes.

"Am you can't continue to live like this. We know you're hurting and dealing with moving on from someone you deeply love but staying locked up inside the room and only coming out when you have school is not gonna help you with anything."

I let a tear fall down my cheek "He didn't come to school again today. I can't help but worry so much about him." I uttered, feeling my heart clench just by thinking if anything had happened to him. Why didn't he come to school today again? Doesn't he want to see me?

"Why did you break up with him Am?" Kate asked and that's when I realized that they still didn't know anything about the breakup. According to them, we had a big fight and I decided to break up with him and moved out.

I swallowed a lump and sat up straight to face them.

"The reason why I left is because...I'm against the idea that Justin is in a gang."

Their jaws dropped, taking in my words.

"Whoa Am...shit are you okay? D-did he hurt you like physi-"

"No." I started, cutting her off. "Justin would never do that I mean...he basically treats me like an egg and he hates Ben just as much as I do so no."

"I can't believe that he's in a gang. Like this proves all the rumours we've heard about him at school right." Kate stated and I got a sense that she was thinking out loud.

"I left and broke up with him because being in a gang is dangerous and I can't be with someone whom I will constantly fear for his life. I can't bring myself to love someone without knowing whether I'll be seeing him tomorrow or not. It's just... I wish I could handle it and I thought love would be enough for me to keep being with him but it's not...its not enough."

I soon felt my body being enveloped in a tight hug and that's when I cried more. I hate that at this moment, I don't know what to do nor did I know how to handle my feelings. I'm just broken, confused and afraid. I love Justin with everything that I have but that's never enough, love is never enough.

***

After two hours, I eventually agreed to going out with Kate and Leah and now I'm now surprisingly not regretting my decision. We were currently at a nearby McDonalds in a corner booth as we waited for our food.

"So you're not gonna go get back with him, like ever?" Leah asked and I sighed.

"I honestly don't know what to do right now. I don't even know if he wants us back together or if so then why didn't he come to school for two days? Why has he not texted me or called me like ever?"

"That's not true, when you unlocked you phone I saw an unopened text from him."

"That's from the night we broke up, he hadn't called me or texted me ever since." I countered before my eyes went wild "Oh my god what if something happened to him!?" I attempted to keep my voice low but judging from nearby people's looks over to our table...

"No I don't think so" Leah replied and I frowned.

"You don't know that Leah. He's... no I need to go check up on him I don't even care if we've broken up." I was making a move to get up but Kate's hand stopped me.