The Opposite Of Good

[22] 3am Promises

My days have not been close to what I thought they would be like a few weeks ago. My life has changed drastically. Sometimes I just sit by myself and think of what would've happened that day. The day that my uncle pushed me down the stairs.

Every time I thought of that day, all I could remember was how much blood there was, how much pain my body was in.

I thought Ben would've been at least remorseful for all that he has done to me and wait until I got conscious... but he just fled the house. He left me all alone, he left me unconscious and inside a pool of blood. It's sad to realize that he left me to die.

How cruel could a person get? To think that he was my blood uncle, how could he EVER abuse me physically AND sexually? How could he treat me like fuckin dirt, like there's an unforgivable thing I did to him? How could he hurt me like that?

But I guess those are some of the questions I might never find answers to.

I don't like feeling sorry for myself but its times like these where I really missed my parents. They would've never let anything happen to me at all costs, happiness was what embraced my soul when they were around. But now as I continue to live, it has been nothing such as happiness. It has been the opposite of that.

Living life after the death of my parents, I've had to act in accordance with what Ben thought would've been 'good' for me. I've had to act in accordance with the rules that Ben had set for me, live with whatever he kept on doing to me because I was under a great load of threats, forced to painfully watch as they acted as a barrier between me and my escape.

Despite the odds, I still knew that I had to remind myself that I'm now living a life free of Ben. I was massively grateful for that, for what Justin has done for me. He was like an angel that saved me from the dark, you know when they talk about 'the light at the end of the tunnel?' That was exactly how I felt about Justin.

It hasn't even been a month long living with him but I already feel at home, how was that possible? I'm starting to feel comfortable with him and as each day goes, all I'm learning more is to smile. Smile through the pain right? Justin is a positive aspect in my life, I should have never judged him from the beginning because I think he's an amazing person.

"Cakes you up? Can I come in?" His voice echoed throughout the room from the door and I  didn't miss the hoarseness in it.

"Yeah you can come in." Came my quick reply as I quickly sat up the bed.

The door slowly creaked open and then my eyes were embraced by the most fine piece of being on earth. How come he looked this good at 3am in the morning?

Yeah it was that early. Sometimes I stay up all night just thinking about how my life turned out.

Justin ran a hand through his messy hair a couple of times, thinking of what to say before he took a step forward.

"I..uh I didn't actually think you'd be awake but I was walking to the kitchen and noticed that your lights were on. Do you mind if I..perhaps...sit with you a little? I'm sleepless."

Hearing him say that was like... Not just that, it's how he said it, Justin Hazard sounds so vulnerable right now, like he's uncertain and shy. I found it cute and that was unlike him.

I couldn't keep my eyes off him though, but I had to give him an answer.

"So I'm not the only sleepless one? You can come sit with me then. I actually don't mind, plus I could do with some company." I didn't even know what I was saying, I felt nervous all of a sudden.

Looking to be somewhat relived, Justin walked a little closer and made a move to sit on the wooden floor.

"What are you doing? Its cold, you can't sit on the floor." I said which seemed to catch him off guard.

"So...are you saying that I should sit like... with you on the bed?"

It wasn't a big deal although my insides and hormones felt otherwise. Maybe I should just tell Justin to leave because I don't think my girl hormones can handle him being that close to me, considering that he was only in his boxers and a very thin top. How does someone go to bed like that on a winter night?

"Cakes?"

A sudden call of my 'name' made me realize that I've totally blacked out.

"Yeahh..you can share the bed with me." Oh my God, why did I have to make it sound bigger than what it originally is.

Justin walked closer as I shifted to the other side in order to make space for him. Once he was on the bed and under the sheets, he slid back in order to lean his back against the headboard, just like how I was in position.

The atmosphere became awkward , which was the part I was trying to avoid. I mean, I've got the most good looking boy I've probably ever seen on the same bed as I was.

What is he even thinking about because he is staring into blank space. Why am I so nervous? My hands are shaking right now, Justin is probably gonna think that I'm some retarded weirdo. Definitely not what I needed.

"How are you feeling cakes?" He suddenly asked, taking me out of my internal altercation.

"I'm feeling fine thanks."

"No I mean like in life...after what has happened to you. I've just been meaning to ask you that question but I didn't know how to address it, thinking that it would have a negative effect on you if I just blurted it out like that."

Sweet.

"Honestly, it's been hard. I sometimes dream about... Ben...the abuse, but I always try to convince myself that its over. "

Being brutally honest with Justin didn't seem as bad as I thought.

I didn't ignore how tense he seemed as soon as I mentioned Ben's name. His hand reached out to mine and I let him.

"Cakes I...I honestly don't know what to do in order to make you feel better. I mean I could buy you anything you wanted but materialistic things won't bring you closure nor take away your pain. It seems like all I can do right now is be right here for you all the time and that's I'm planning to do."

His piercing green eyes stared into mine as he spoke, I was surely starting to lose my senses. I don't mean to sound cliché but he was like a drug I've just recently tried and I'm getting addicted as fast as lightning.

"Thanks Justin, you are really kind but enough about me. Just...I feel like I don't know anything about you."

As soon as I said that, Justin averted eye contact with me and his body tensed up.

Was it what I said?

"Justin?" I almost whispered.

"Cakes I... I'd rather not talk about me tonight, I just want to spend some time with you that's all."

"But I know so little about you while you know so much about me. I don't think its fair."

Justin looked at me and reached for my hands. "One day, I promise you. One day I'll tell you everything."

"Are you sure? Because I'd really love if you did that."

I didn't miss the grin that snuck its way to his face.

            "Yeah, I promise I will."

And right now as I lay in this bed with the boy that changed my life, I wish eternity could be just like this. There's nothing that I want other than this moment, this moment where I finally feel like everything is going to be okay. This moment that pumps up my heart at an irregular speed, but still manages to make me feel calm. This moment where I finally realized that there's more to life than pain and melancholic distress. There's really light at the end of the tunnel.