A Feeling From Deep Within (Ryuji Sakamoto x Reader)

XXXIII. I'm Sorry

Nothing will ruin our date.

Those words from last night rung in your ear the next evening as you opened your apartment door to see a familiar face standing there.

"A-Akechi!?" you asked, surprised. "What are you doing here?"

"Can we please talk?" His hair was a bit out of place and the bags under his eyes were apparent.

"I'm kind of in a hurry," you said, thinking about the date that you and Ryuji would have to meet up for in a few.

"It won't take long. May I please come in?"

You stared at him for a few seconds, nerves beginning to creep on you, before finally yielding to his request and letting him in.

You shut the door behind him and led him over to the couch where you both sat down.

"Is something wrong...?" you asked.

Akechi sighed. "Not physically, per se. Emotionally, however..."

You mentally groaned. You knew all too well where this was going. "Akechi, I-"

He put a finger up. "Let me finish."

You were taken aback by his abruptness but let him continue anyway.

He looked away. It was silent for a few moments as he looked down towards the ground, the locks of his hair covering his face.

You then heard him sigh. "I've struggled for a long time with being unwanted. It hurts everyday when I see parents hugging and kissing their children, couples holding hands.... with every instance, the pain intensifies just a bit more. I always wish I had that type of love," he said, sadly. "But, as much as I struggle, I always find a way to move on. But with you-" his voice cracked as he looked up at you. "I can't get over you even if you don't want me and it's killing me."

"Akechi, I understand how you feel but-"

"Do you?" he asked, rather boldly.

You stared at him for a few seconds, your eyebrows furrowed, before nodding. "Yeah, I do."

He shook his head. "Y/N. Do you know how it hurts to seek a love that is utterly unattainable?"

"My father never loved me growing up, Akechi. I understand how it feels to be unwanted or looked at as a burden."

"That doesn't answer my question. You never sought out your father's love."

You bit your lip. He had a point. You never felt the need to seek out your father's love because after hearing about what your father was capable of, it felt absolutely relieving to know that he never loved you. You couldn't even begin to fathom the idea that a monster could love you.

Taking note of your silence, Akechi continued to speak. "It may not be my place to ask but... why do you love Ryuji?"

"Wow, that's a really tough question to answer, Akechi."

"Is it?"

You nodded. "Yeah, it is. Sometimes, you can't put love into words. It's more than just sharing interests or finding someone that gets you 100%. Ryuji... I don't know. He makes me happy beyond words. It's..." you shook your head. "It's hard to explain."