Totally Clueless

Chapter 17

Josh's determination was unmatched.

He was determined to get the bills payed, determined to be on the football team, determined to go to college and determined to get his girl.

But today, as he stepped into his opportunity, he felt himself falling back. Cowering beneath the imaginary shadow Horace had looming over him. He wanted to ask him about taking Chrisy out, but he was afraid. The words his brother said kept repeating in his mind. What if Horace said no, then what?

Horace eyed Josh over his glasses as he spun through case files. He had sensed his discomfort all evening and waited for Josh to say something but it never came.

"Josh..." he finally said without looking up from his paper work. "If there is something you wanna say, I suggest you do it now, I don't plan to be in here all evening."

Josh wondered How Horace always knew these things? How could he always get into his head? Could he have been that transparent?

Josh felt his tiny beads of sweat turn to showers of rain.

" Well...there is something..."
He replied. But after that there was only silence and Josh's words became like blocks of concrete in his mouth. Heavy and hard to move. He knew how protective Horace was of his only daughter, he loved her with all his heart. What made Josh think he would want him anywhere near her. He kept finding himself in these moments, that he knew were mistakes only after being in the middle of them with no exit.

"So out with it then...I don't bite..."
Josh tried to dry one sweaty palm with the other.

"I....I...well....I would like to ask Chrisy out...on a date..." He finally managed to say.

"Excuse me?" Horace responded in his deep thunderous voice. He looked up from his stack of papers. Josh swallowed hard and held his breath as he waited.

"And you're asking my approval?"

Josh was sure Horace was about to attack him. 'Be brave' he told himself for the hundred and tenth time. But yet he wondered, What was the right answer to his question? Was it rhetorical or was it his chance to back out and say it was all a mistake.

"Yes...I was hoping for it." He decided to reply.

Chrisy was worth it.

"Sure" Horace simply responded.

Josh waited for him to elaborate, but he said nothing else.

He had gotten the answer he wanted, but not the way he had expected.

Was it a good yes or was Horace being sarcastic? Could he finally release his breath or should he hold it until he passed out?
He was confused. He somehow felt no different than he did before he had gotten his answer.
He had imagined the reaction he'd have if Horace had said yes to be extreme expressions of happiness, like a silly grinning imoji; but instead, confusion crushed his face like old newspaper.

Horace seemed to enjoy the moment.

There was no greater fear than fear of the unknown, and he enjoyed having Josh wonder if he was suppose to be happy or very afraid.

However, it was time to put him out of his mysery, he'd make it a bit easier for him to decide which it was going to be.

"Were you expecting a no Josh?" Horaced asked "...I dont see why you would. I know I can be a monster when I'm mad, I can be harsh and particularly cruel, subjecting people to immense pain and deliberate suffering...espescially when it comes to Chrisy, but why should you be worried Josh, I'm sure you have no intentions of making me or my daughter upset or uncomfortable in any way...right?"

Josh swallowed a mouthfull of spit that gathered as he imagined all the things Horace could do to him. He felt himself suddenly short of breath and gasping for air. He loosen his shirt around his neck in hopes Horace could not see him white with fear.

" Right."
He responded; but his voice came out hoarsed and husky. He cleared his throat and got back to his work. At least he had gotten that part of it over with. He shouldn't worry so much about Horace's wrath. He would never hurt Chrisy. He was sure of it.

Josh sat over homework and Chinese food with mixed feelings. He couldn't concentrate on neither. His mind was a roller coaster. He was happy he had mustered up the courage to talk to Horace. Chrisy was ecstatic at the idea of them finally going out and they had decided on that very saturday night. But where would they go?

That's what consumed him.

Chrisy portrayed a certain image when she entered a room. She wore diamonds in hair clips, and brands of clothing he couldn't pronounce. Her manicure was probably more expensive than his shoes, and he wouldn't even dare to imagine how much her shoes cost. Luxury cars were parked in the garage of her Beverly Drive mansion and he supposed the places where she dined reflected the same prestige and class. How was he to match that?

"I told you not to go to Horace...how bad is it?" Reid asked as he joined his brother for their late dinner.

" Actually he was as cool as a cucumber...sort of..."

" so what's eatin' ya now?"

" Nothin'...jus trying to figure out where to take her...she's probably been everywhere...maybe we could go to that French hotel on Melrose..."

"restaurant..."

"that's what I meant,"

"De La Crouys? Yeah thats a nice place...but I'm guessing you couldn't even afford appetizers there...I know what your thinking Josh, but come on, you know Chrisy isn't that girl....yeah she's loaded but if you took her for a hamburger she wouldn't say a word, she'd just be weirdly happy to be with you...you know this..."

" I just want it to be perfect Reid..."

" For who...?"

Josh was afraid of where his brother was taking the coversation. He momentarily forgets that Reid can read him like sheet music.

" Josh..." he sighed long and deep before he said the next few words. "Horace is'nt dad...you don't have to try so hard for his approval..."

Josh got instantly upset.

" This is'nt about dad..."

"I'm not saying it is, I just think he was so hard on you that you think everyone else will be and..."

"You dont know what your talking about..."

" You know I'm right...you just won't admit it but..."

"Thats where I'm taking her, end of discussion, I dont want to talk about this anymore."

" Fine by me" Reid mumbled under his breath. And they had noodles, chow mein and sweet and sour chicken in undisturbed silence.