When He Barged In Without My Permission

Chapter 16: Regrets and Jealousy

Part 2: Chahe tum kuch naa kaho, maine sun liya (When you don't say anything, I will have heard it already).

Chapter 16: Regrets and Jealousy.

Akshara
'Oooh I think the hulk can defeat Captain America any day!' Ryan said, slurping his smoothie with a loud tone. Vismaara and I shared identical disgusted looks. Boys will be boys... And by that I mean boys will be pigs.

'No way. Captain America will never lose against hulk!' Vismaara pointed out, politely drinking her smoothie. Ryan gave her a superior look. 'You're just saying that because you like Captain America and think he's cute.' Ryan said. Vismaara flipped him the finger and then turned towards Raghav.

It has been 3 months since that fateful day when I decided to be friends with Raghav. 3...long... months. I'm telling you, friendship with boys is Sooo overrated. I mean, it's usually shown to be all fun and amazing! But trust me, I've yawned too many times to count in the last three months.

I'd like to say that looking at Raghav and Vismaara bonding didn't bother me. I'd like to say that looking at Ryan looking at Vismaara like a lovesick puppy didn't tug at my heart.

But unfortunately, or fortunately, I decided a long time back to be an honest person. And I've been regretting that for a really long time now.

It broke me everytime Raghav hung out with me to get to my best friend. When I had imagined it, so many months back, I had shrugged it off as a miniscule thing. But now it was lying on my shoulders as a very heavy burden. It was weighing me down everyday. I didn't know when it would bury me in, six feet deep.

'Akshara?' everyone was looking at me. I forced up a grin. 'Yes?' I looked around. 'Vismaara just asked you something.' Raghav said. I looked at Vismaara who was looking at me with a scrutinising look. I couldn't meet her eyes. 'I didn't listen.' I muttered.

'Well, my little alien, I just asked you what you thought of me, you, Raghav and Ryan going out tonight to get pizza?' Vismaara said, though her eyes were giving me that 'we need to talk' look. I shook my head. 'I'm sorry no. I'm......busy tonight.' Lie.

'Busy with what?' Her tone had become frosty. I hated it. 'Just something Maara. Don't put your nose in.' I said, immediately regretting it once I saw her face morph into an expression of hurt. 'Akshara, what is wrong with you?' Raghav said, frowning. 'Of course.' I said and got up as tears started to cloud my vision. Of course he would stick up for her. After all, I was only the paddle. She was the island.

Raghav looked at me with a weird expression. 'Akshy. Have I done something to offend you?' Vismaara's tone was angry, and accusing.

I felt something snap inside me.

'No no. You've been perfect all this time. It's me who's been the offending one.' I spat, regretting each word as soon as I said it.

'Akshara.' Raghav had a warning tone set to his voice. 'No no Raghav. Let her speak. She's been treating me like shit since the last three months! I'd like to know why?!' Vismaara said, her eyes blazing.

I immediately felt my energy drain out. What was I doing? Had I really let my jealousy of not being good enough as a friend for Raghav, get in between me and Vismaara?

'Look, it's nothing.' I said, struggling to prevent my voice from cracking. 'No! It's not nothing! You better me tell me right now what is bothering you or else... Or else...' Vismaara said, still glaring.

'Or else what?' I asked. I had an impending sense of doom, and I was right.

'Or else you can no longer hang out with us.' she said.

I felt my world shatter beneath my feet. I couldn't believe she was saying this. Wow. Thanks a lot Vismaara.

'Okay. Thanks. I'll just go now. You have them all to yourselves. Enjoy' I said, and I loved the way her face fell when I spoke. Good. She deserved it for being a bitch to me.

I turned to go, and was almost out the door, when someone caught my hand. I felt a ray of hope as I turned and saw Vismaara standing there, her hand tightly enveloped around my wrist. 'What?' I asked. Please let her say don't go. Please. Please.

'Here's your charm bracelet, you loser.' she tossed the charm bracelet I bought for her into the dustbin next to me. I felt hot tears struggling to rush out of my eyes. 'Good to know, bitch.' I uttered and I rushed out.

Tears were flowing down my cheeks, and I cursed my existence more than ever.

I hated my life.

I hated Vismaara.

I hated Ryan.

I hated Raghav.

And most of all I hated myself for letting myself be manipulated like that as a paddle.

I hated that I was jealous.

I hated that I had hurt my best friend.

And I hated the fact that maybe we would never be best friends ever again.

I hated everything.

*****

'Akshy?' mom's voice was concerned as she peeped in through my door. I cuddled in even more in my 'despair' bedsheet, which was basically just a big comfy rug.

'Karthik's here to see you.' she said. I didn't respond. She shook her head and walked out, and minutes later the door opened... And Akshay and Karthik walked in, both of them looking at me.

'Akshy.' Akshay said, and he sat down next to me, his hand on my hair, stroking it. It gave me some comfort.

My eyes were itching because of the crying that I had done. My throat was aching and my head was bursting.

'I brought you brownies.' Karthik said, and the delicious smell of chocolate fudge brownies hit my nose.

'Thanks you guys. You're all I have.' I muttered as I took the bag from him.

'We know.' they said, looking at each other and then at me sadly.

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