When He Barged In Without My Permission

Chapter 33: Make a choice

Part 4: Naa hai yeh paana, naa khona bhi hai. (I don't want this. I don't want to lose this either.)

Chapter 33 : Make a choice.

Akshara
Growing up, is the worst part of life.

Growing up is when you start to become conscious about the various kinds of people around you. Growing up is when you start to recognise the monsters and the angels. Growing up is when you slowly start to lose your true self, due to pressure, conditions and sheer commitment.

Growing up, for me, was when I found out that my parents were getting divorced. It came as a great shock. Like my life was a city, and a great tsunami had attacked it, rendering it destroyed and ruined. I would never be the same again.

Heck, none of our lives would be the same again. All I knew was that I had to be strong in that moment. For Jai. I had to be strong for him, so that he could take a time out and let out his emotions for once.

So I did just that.

I avoided my friends, I skipped school. I avoided both my parents. I made sure Jai attended his college, and made sure that he fed himself and kept himself healthy. He was the elder one, but I always knew that he would be the most fragile of both of us. He was like a kid in that manner, innocent and fragile. A small edge, would send him crashing. And that is exactly what had happened.

Our mother and father tried many times to talk to both of us. They bribed us, with chocolates, movie tickets, offers to buy us phones... Cars... Whatever it was, we had to name it and they would give it to us. We weren't going to be bribed. We were grown up for god's sake!

My phone had been on silent for three days now. I was pretty sure it was dead too, cause I hadn't bothered to charge it up. I still couldn't figure out why all this affected me...us.. So much! I mean, dad was already living separate from us... The divorce was bound to happen! We had expected that! We'd been expecting that for a long time now. And yet, it had come as a shock.

I hated the way things had turned out. I hated everything. I hated my parents. I hated my friends.  I hated my life.

Isn't that how it's supposed to feel? When the two people you've lived with for years and years at a stretch, who've fed you, loved you and taken care of you- decide to part ways? Isn't that how it's supposed to feel, when you lose someone?

Cause it was confirmed, I would lose someone in this case. Either dad. Or mom. I knew for sure that we couldn't have the two of them. How could they be so selfish? Didn't they even bother to think how this whole ordeal would affect us?

I was sitting on my bed, idly staring at the wall, with no idea of what to do, who to talk to or where to go, when someone knocked on my door. 'It's open.' my voice sounded dead to me. The door opened slowly, with its familiar rusty creak and Raghav's face peered in.

I felt my heartbeat pick up a little, before I felt disgusted with myself for feeling like that at such a time. Raghav didn't say anything. He just came and sat down, next to me, on my bed.

I didn't say anything to him. I couldn't say anything to him. What was I supposed to say? Hey my parents are getting divorced and I'm falling apart but I need to keep a strong face for my brother... Oh and I feel dead.

A warm feeling was spreading through my body. My right hand was tingling. I looked down to see Raghav's hand holding mine tightly, his eyes staring at me intently. When he saw me looking, he squeezed my hand, putting another hand over my shoulder and pulling me closer to him. My face was squashed against his chest, his chin resting atop my head.

'Jai's making hot chocolate downstairs.'

I nodded, feeling a bit relieved. If Jai was back to cooking, that meant he was on the road of acceptance and recovery. And that was enough to lift my spirits a little.

' Your mom left some cookies for you.'

I let out a humorless laugh at that. Sure she did. Feeling guilty, wasn't she? 

'How're you feeling then?  Holding the fort strong?' his voice was gentle, proud. And that tone of pride made me break down.

'I hate everything! I hate everyone!' I cried against his warm sweatshirt, my tears soaking it. He ran his fingers through my hair,stroking it.

'Hate me too, Love?'

I chuckled at that, and mock punched him on the chest. His hand moved to my back, rubbing it in a slow motion, comforting me.

'How could they do this to us?! How could....to me and Jai!??' My breath was breaking into sobs now, tears streaming down at an alarming rate. 'I'll never forgive them! Never in my life!'

Raghav shushed me, enveloping me tightly in a hug, his arms holding me tight around the shoulders, kissing me on my head.

'Akshara, listen to me.' Raghav's voice was gentle, but firm. I looked up from his tear soaked sweatshirt, my vision sorta blurry. He cupped my face in his hands, looking me in the eye.

'You have two options, Akshara. You can either be mad at them, for your whole life... And lose them forever. In case you do that, you'll remember that they will never be able to help you, take care of you and be there for you anymore. You'll lose them. How does that sound?' he asked. 'Pathetic. I hate it.' I said and truthfully. I couldn't imagine a life like that. Raghav laughed softly.

'You'll like this option then. You forgive them now... However hard it may seem, and let them deal with it. That way, you have them. They will be there for you whenever you need them. Either together as one, or as two different rocks of support. But they will be there. They will still exist in your life, as an integral part. How does this option sound?' he asked, gently caressing my cheek.

'Better.' my voice indicated that my tears were all used up.

'So what you have to do now, Akshara, is make a choice. Which option will it be? Them, or your hurt and pride? Make a choice.' he kissed my forehead and let go of me, standing to go out.

I grabbed his hand, and he turned to look at me.

'I have made my choice. Thank you.'

Raghav smiled proudly. His eyes were sparkling, and that made my heart beat quicken.

'Anything for my girl.'

Woo-hoo! Two updates in a day!???? 

You know what to do, lovelies!