Absolutely Yours

39

Arthit's POV

For the first time,  I felt fear.

Watching him walking away, entertaining the small talk the girl was initiating - I realized as my feelings for him grow stronger so does my fear of losing him.

I saw Kong curved his lips forming a small smile at her while she kept on talking. It was inaudible as they were walking further.

As they strode away and slowly disappearing in my sight, I feel like I was being torn inside. The throbbing pain was difficult to ignore.

I am not afraid that Kong might cheat on me, I am more afraid about the fact that I am not the only person that can make him smile like that.

I wanted to drag him away from that girl but I couldn't move.

I find myself over analyzing our relationship - am I good enough for him to choose me over everybody else?

I wonder for how long can he ever put up with me?

I believe there will always be someone more deserving to have him than me.

The thought was troubling me.

I can't believe how insecure I became because of too much affection he showed me.

He made me see no one else but him.

The question  now is,  do I deserve him?

What the hell was I thinking?

I stood up. "Hey,  you're done ?" Knot asked,  looking at my unfinished food.

"Gotta go," I grabbed my bag and left. I found myself tracing Kong and that girl's tracks.

I need Kong,  as long as he chooses to stay with me,  I will until he says otherwise.

I half-run and half-walk to find him but to no avail.

Where could have they gone?

I admit I felt extremely jealous that even if I insinuated him to stay, he opted not to. He ignored my plea and went with that girl.

On the other hand, I know I made a huge mistake. I shouldn't have said the things I said and he might have thought that I am really in love with Sahit.

I may have liked her but my feelings for Kong was incomparable.

I never had the chance to explain it to him.

And he never gave me an opportunity to clear myself.

He might be mad at me. If it were me,  I would be.

Shit.

How should I apologize?

Why do they have to go far if they just want to talk anyway?

Why did he have to ask her to talk in private?

He could just refused her outright. He didn't have a qualm doing it last Sunday when he told the girls he belonged to me.

So why did he have to give her false hopes by being nice to her. Or maybe, he likes her?

Maybe, he's tired of me?

Or done with me?

I am a man with lots of hang ups. Sometimes, I think I am emotionally high maintenance. Kong was always patient with me.

He laughs at my grumpiness. He's amazed by my hardheadedness. He can handle me with ease during times when I couldn't even handle me.

I always feel like his love for me is never an 'if' nor a 'because' but it's always been 'in spite of' and 'despite of'.