Some Nights

That Would Be Enough

caution: this is the (second) continuation of The Ten Dean Commandments. If you haven't read either TTDC and the sequel Meet Me Inside, please do!

******

"Dean, I...when I was...bad...and I had all those those things...the...the Leviathans...writhing inside of me, I caused a lot of suffering on earth. But I devastated Heaven. I vaporized thousands of my own kind, and I...I-I can't go back."

"'Cause if you do, the angels will kill you."

"Because I see what Heaven's become...What I... what I made of it...I'm afraid I might kill myself."

-Hunteri Heroici (8x08)

********

It was raining now as Cas walked the road, only an occasional car passing, the lights momentarily blinding him. He felt broken, in shattered pieces. Shifting the bag on his shoulder he walked farther and farther away from the bunker, and the life he was once knew. Cas couldn't go back, not now. Not ever. Now that he knew, it was just better if he disappeared without a trace. Dean would eventually get over it, he supposed, his heart cracking at the thought of his best friend. This was all Cas's fault, and he accepted that, fully and with reason. 

Pausing on the road, Cas knelt down, and vomited in the grass. By the time he was done, tears were escaping his eyes. He needed to find a place to rest. He stood up, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand before continuing. If the signs along the road were correct, there would be a motel in ten miles. Ten miles seemed pretty far, but you would go the distance if you were running from something, or someone.

24 hours earlier

"How you feeling, Cas?"

"Better." Cas said quietly, watching Dean move around the bed with ease. He opened his mouth, letting Dean stick the little thermometer underneath his tongue, and closed it.

Dean hadn't left his side since the night he passed out in the kitchen. It was mostly a blur for Cas, but he still had flashes of memories, of a hand stroking his forehead, or a body laying next to his. Any time he needed something, a glass of water, pain pills, or even just company, Dean was right there, offering himself up. 

"Still not working right." The concern in Dean's voice was evident, breaking Cas out of his thoughts as the older Winchester brother pulled the thermometer out, and checked it. "Damn, Cas. It's been two weeks now?"

Cas shrugged helplessly. It wasn't like he had planned on this happening. He actually didn't even think it was possible to get sick, but now that his grace was gone, he could bleed, and pick up viruses just like any human. The downside, he could still hear the angels crying. As time passed, Angel Radio quieted down some, but the voices would still haunt him in his sleep.

"I don't like it." Dean glared down at the thermometer as if it were personally at blame.

"Maybe we should try the hospital." Sam suggested.

Cas had forgotten the younger brother was there. Sam was standing in the corner, arms crossed, looking considerably worried, but there was something else that was off about him. Cas didn't have to wonder. Dean had decided to set Cas up in his room, for what reason, the angel had no idea, but it meant he was in closer proximity to Sam's room, which every night at eight o clock, noises would come from the room. Now Cas wasn't dumb, he knew what a spanking sounded like, he just wondered at the consistency and frequency. Sam just seemed equally subdued and tired mostly, and Cas was aware of Dean keeping an close eye on him as well.