affinity

3. is this health related?

Stuart's P.O.V

I close the door behind me and take a seat on the brown chair across the wooden table. The room hasn't changed at all, with the same bobbleheads next to the computer, the large coffee cup with the red spoon and the little stack of papers right in the corner. Even the scent of the room hasn't changed at all either. I can smell the sweet scent of vanilla flow through the room as the woman walks inside and closes the door behind her softly. I catch of glimpse of Stella as she bites her lip, staring at the clock. The guidance counselor, Shauna, is sitting with her hands placed on the desk, waiting for me to talk to her.

I can't stop my hands from shaking.

She looks down at her notebook for a minute before lifting her eyes to meet my face, "So.... Stuart. What seems to be the problem now?"

I've come to the guidance counselor many times before. Don't worry, this isn't my first time.

It's my 57th time.

I twirl the blue ballpoint pen that's placed on the desk around my fingers, "I have trouble sleeping."

"Did you have a panic attack?" Shauna asks.

Most of my visits to the guidance room are because of my panic attacks. They've been happening to be since I started high school and there's just no way I can cope with them. I've been to the doctors many times, trying a few medications as well but it just doesn't benefit me.

I need someone to listen to my problems.

"No, not yet. My panic attacks are mostly about my parents. If something bad happens or something like that."

I remember the dream I had last night. I woke up in a cold sweat with my entire body shaking. I woke up screaming for my mom as my dad rushed into my room to comfort me. I feel really bad that I scare him so much at night but I scare myself and I don't know how to stop it.

She nods her head as she purses her lips. "Hmmm.... Why do you have trouble sleeping? Do you think too much about something? Sometimes when you have a lot on your mind, it's difficult to sleep."

I shrug, "Not much."

Sometimes I wonder if she is really there to guide me. All she does is ask me a bunch of questions.

But I still always come to see her.

"Hmm okay. I suggest you take help from friends. Hang out with them, focus on something you enjoy. Maybe follow a bedtime routine. Read, write, draw, listen to some soothing music, anything you like. That might help with your insomnia."

"Okay."

I keep thinking about Stella. She's different from other girls I've met. For one reason, she's the first girl I met in detention. I've never in my life seen a girl do something to get into detention, especailly the way she was handling made it seem like she's been in there many times. I'm not just talking about 2 or 3 times because she didn't finsih her math homework but she seems like the person who would do something so bad.

Even the way she smiles is scary.

It's not like I was going to see her again anyway. This was just a mere coincidence seeing her in the student services. She's probably never going to come here again, saying that I've been in this place more than 50 times.

"About your hallucinations, have you had a concussion before?" Shauna asks as I blink in response. I realized that I just dazed off thinking about Stella and that's strange.

Yet, I've never been so intrigued by a girl before.

I thought for a moment. "Umm, yea. Once. In lacrosse practice."

Okay,long story. I do play lacrosse but there are very rare chances that I get to do so. I've been struggling to be on the school lacrosse team, yet I always fail. Compared to my best friend, I'm a complete failure.

Every chance I get to play, something bad happens.

This time I end up in the detention room.

"Hmm, well you probably hit your head too hard because after damaging a section of the brain it might not function as properly as it was before you got hurt. Maybe that is why you are having hallucinations."

"But they're usually about my mom," I say.

"Hmm.... Like what?"

"Like different ways she probably died. All these scenes and visions in my dreams seem so real. I feel like I can do something to stop it but I can't. She had frontotemporal dementia. That's the way she died, on her death bed. But... I always have these scenes in my head, like bullet shots and crashes. Being drunk and getting hit and run. Getting assassinated. Weird thoughts that make no sense to me."

"Don't think about it too much, I know your mother means a lot to you, a mother is a strong connection. But you need to accept the fact that she is dead. Like I said before, get involved in other things. Join some clubs and activities. Spending time with friends and family. It'll help. The more you worry about the past, the more it affects the present as well as the future. I'm not saying that you shouldn't remember your mother, but the more you think about her will make you sad and depressed. So instead, do things that make you happy."

I nod, "Yea, thanks Shauna. I'll try to follow that."

She smiles, "Okay Stuart. Take care and if you need any more help, you can come to me. You've done that many times, " she laughs a little as I chuckle nervously, "But do me a favour and keep sitting, I'll be back in a moment."

I scrunch my eyebrows as she gives me another smile before heading towards the door. I wonder what she was planning to do. Was I supposed to meet someone else?

Maybe another counselor or a service person?

Is this health related? Does she think I'm depressed?

Oh no. Am I going to get a mental health presentation?

"Okay." I finally manage to say as I wait for what Shauna was going to do next.