affinity

37. staring contest

Stella's P.O.V

"Stella?" Jordan's voice interrupts my thoughts.

"Oh hey! You're awake! Are you okay?" I ask so many questions that Jordan simply smiles at my panicked state. My heart flutters as he gives me a warm smile, while he rubs the sleep out of his eyes. He has his head bandaged as he yawns and looks at me with slightly tired eyes. As he tries to get up, he winces because of the sudden pain that hits him.

"Can you help me sit up?" He asks. His voice is deep which causes me to shiver. 

Wow, his waking up voice is hot.

"I don't think it's a good idea Jordan." I say as he sighs.

He gives me pleading eyes as he manages to give me a small smile. My heart pains to see him like this. I don't want him to get hurt again. I just can't stand to see him in pain.

"It's okay. Help me. Please?" He gives me a slight pout that's so cute that it's hard to resist. This jock can be such a flirt even when he's hurt.

Okay...Stella...calm your horses...he's just telling you to help him. 

But that face is so cute...

"Okay." I finally agree as I grab his hand and he pushes himself up. He shuts his eyes as he sighs and puts his head against the pillow. He breathes heavily for a few moments when I touch his forehead. He has a faint smile on his lips, although his eyes are closed.

"I'm so sorry Jordan." I sigh, looking at his pained state. My hand lingers on his cheek.

I really am. I've never felt so terrible in my life.

"It wasn't your fault Stella. Stop saying that." Jordan's voice is tired and a bit raspy. He leans into my touch as I feel my stomach flutter.

"I feel really bad though." I admit quietly as Jordan smirks at me.

He moves my hand away from his cheek and squeezes it gently, "It's okay Stella. I'm fine."

His thumb grazes my knuckles as he looks down at my hand.

I stare at his hand on my hand as he smiles at me. That's when it hits me. Jennie. What would she say when she sees this?

I must be a horrible best friend right now. She had feelings for him and here I am suddenly taking her spot.

But she doesn't like Jordan, she told me so. Am I doing something wrong? Is Jordan doing something wrong? Is he playing with me or being nice? What about Eric? Eric likes Luna. Luna's using him. Am I using Jordan?

We're holding hands...

That's the only thing I can think about. I feel like he genuinely means it. The way his hand is so soft against mine yet causes my skin to tingle. The smiles he gives me. The way he teases me. His weird jock things.

"Stella?"

"Huh? Oh...sorry." I blink, coming back to reality.

"Lost in thought?" He chuckles quietly as I look up to meet his eyes.

I nod my head sheepishly as he simply lets his thumb roam around my knuckles.

"What're you thinking?" He asks softly.

"Everything is a mess. I'm a mess. Things are not going the way I want them to. I can't decide what to do and what not to do. It's like all of it is out of my control." I let out a shaky sigh as Jordan listens to me tentatively.

"I'm a mess too. That doesn't make anything any less different."

"Yes it does. I haven't seen my best friend in a while. I got into a fight with Eric. Luna and Thalia keep irritating me and Stuart can't stop arguing with me. Why does it feel like I'm losing the people that I care for?" I say as Jordan purses his lips.