Never Forever

Maid of Honor

My week went by like a breeze. After the day I had my small mishap with Jun and the bathtub, I floated endlessly behind the bride herself as I constantly wondered..

Why did Jun say he couldn't look away from me when I asked?

Was that even what he meant when he said he couldn't?

Or was he stuck in his head again thinking about other stuff?

My thoughts clouded my sense of direction so much that I hadn't even noticed it when Mira often attempted to pry into my thoughts at the lunch table when I would zone out the most.

"Leona!" I jumped a little at her booming voice, causing her to get a kick out of my reaction once more. "I'm sorry Leona. It's just that.. You've been seeming to have a lot on your mind lately and I wanna know what's been keeping my best friend's mind occupied!"

Best friend? I mean.. I guess she's said it before, so I should get used to it..

"I'm sorry Mira. It's just that a lot has happened this weekend."
"Ooooooh. Do tell." she grinned as she leaned in. I was about to open my mouth when I found that I couldn't speak, so I said,
"No. I'm sorry Mira, but no." my facial expression showed me to be laughing but in reality, we both knew that it was a laugh of disarray.
"Aw, no fair. You never tell me anything." she pouted. "And I'm always the one telling you stuff. You see? The balance is unfair!" I had to laugh at he hand gestures that resembled a balance.
"Well, I'm sorry to say, Mira, but nobody asked you to start sharing stuff." She crossed her arms.
"Then what on earth are we friends for?" I shrugged, amused.
"I don't know. You tell me. You're the one that started talking to me in the first place. So you have to tell me what was so special about me." Silence followed as I took a sip of my drink.

"You're very beautiful." she started. I paused. "Hoseok would often tell me of the things you've done and try to describe how beautiful you are. He'd often say something like, Just picture the most beautiful woman you could ever see. whenever I'd ask him to tell me what you looked like. And I must say that he was right."

What the..?

"Not that I'm trying to make a pass at you, as you see that I am very much taken and straight." She said as she flashed her engagement ring, causing me to laugh painfully. "It's just that I can't help but wonder why such a beautiful woman like you, whom seemed to truly love Hoseok, would just decide to leave him all of a sudden." I shook my head after thinking about it.

She can't see me like this. Not now,
Not ever..

"I don't wanna talk about this." I shook my head. "Not now." she nodded. The day went on as planned and when she had went to drop me off at home, she asked me again.

"Now that we're not in a public setting, do you feel comfortable with telling me now?"

How can I say this?

I took in a lot of air before looking down and letting it all out. "No." I opened the door to leave when Mira grabbed me by the arm.
"Leona, please. I really want you to trust me."
"Well you won't earn my trust by grabbing me like that." instantly eating my words, I just left.

I'm falling apart.

I hated the thought of thinking about the past with Hoseok. Especially the reason why I broke up with him in the first place. What made it worst was that she persisted all week. Everyday, somehow, that topic came up. Whether it be through shots, or explicit questioning. I knew now that there was a friction between us. So, at the end of the week, when we were at the lunch table, I told her.

"Leona.. I'm really curious about what's been going on with you. Why won't you tell me?"
I breathed a deep sigh before finding my words. "If you don't know, that means he didn't tell you."
"But why can't you just tell me what he did? Is it really that bad?"
"Because maybe I don't want to." My words came out like a fury of fire. My eyes were cutting daggers, waiting on the moment when it was time to push..

She took a long look at me, seeing that my patience was to the last thread before saying, "Okay." but I knew that there had been more to that. "I just wanna know-."
"You know what. Mira, stop it." I was done with this. "I don't want to tell you because it's so deep inside of me that I don't want to pull it out! Especially not to share with you! His wife! His future wife!" my vision was getting blurry as my face got hot.

You're such a weak bitch.. How could you let this one little thing bother you like that? Shows how easy and immature you are..

"Mira, I know I'm yelling at you and I'm sorry, but I'm gonna give it to you straight. I don't care about being your maid of honor any more. Especially since it doesn't click that you know who I am and who I was supposed to be. You could be chosen anyone for this honor. But you chose me. Well, now, if you feel like it, go choose another one. I'm going home."