Never Forever

Madness

TRIGGER WARNING!
Bloody scene ahead with self harm and self-hate! Do NOT read if you are squeamish and easily triggered. As I am not responsible for what you have decided to do in your spare time.
You have been warned..

Jun picked me up from the mall that day. The car ride was silent. I knew that he could sense my pain but I couldn't let him know..
Upon our arrival at the house, I took my final step before reaching the door when I turned around.

"Jun.. Please get your things and get out."
"What?"
"Ill pay for your stay at tonight a hotel. But for right now, I need you to pack up what you'll need for a couple of days just in case I need more time." His face became hard.
"Is this because of what I said?"
"No."
"Then what did I do wrong for you to be treating me like this?" I shook my head.
"I am not hurting you as much as you think.. I am actually protecting you."
"Protecting me from what?" I unlocked the door. "From what, Leona?" I knew he was angry. But I just couldn't let him see me like this.
"Please just go within the next few minutes." He took a good long look at me before scoffing and gathering his things. I hid myself from him as he packed before coming out when I heard the third door shut.

I sat there for what seemed like hours. My face swelling up with heat and the mocking laughter I heard as I sat there, taunted me.

You're ugly and useless.

What type of man would want you?

You can't even love yourself fully.
You're an even worst best friend.
You just threw your best friend out with no explanation.

Who does that?

The tears spilling out more and more, I knew I has made a mistake. I never should have told Jun to leave me alone because now I'm in danger..

Now I'm all alone..

My vision being the main reason for my dizziness, I began to breathe harder and harder as I felt my body begin to float about the house.

We were looking for something..

Eventually, we found it.

First, pressing my head against the wall for hopes of grasping on to my rationality that had been hanging on by a thread, I opened my pathetic eyes wanting to just cut the thread away myself instead of repairing.

If this is what you wanted: for me to go mad, then you have it..

Stabbing the wall, I didn't care about how careful u was being or how much blood I drew. I didn't really see the wall turning red. I just knew I was in pain and that that pain was even greater than what I had felt on the outside.

Letting go of the knife, I banged on the wall, feeling the roughness of my madness. I was going insane..

The angry bitter sweat stung my eyes and burned my wounds as I stared at them.

There were a few self-inflicted cuts here and there. Nothing major.

But it wasn't until I went for the big hit where the blade was being aimed so incorrectly that it slid against the wall and into my arm, creating a big gash. Blood would gush everywhere if I pulled it out.

I panicked.

What are we going to do?

If we call for help, they'll think we're mad and send us away.

If we call Jun, he'll be very angry and worried.

But if we call Hoseok..

Isn't that whom we need right now?

I quickly took my jacket off and wrapped it around the wound before proceeding to pull up what I had thought to be Hoseok's number before quickly pulling out the knife and putting lots of pressure on the wound.

I held the phone in my hands as I started crying. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to do it! I'm so sorry I hurt you.." sniffling, I confessed. "I need you.." I was so engulfed in my sadness that I was alarmed when I had heard the phone hang up. My eyes widened to my horror.

No

No

No

No

No

No

NO!

Who did I call?

Did he hear me?

Is he coming?

Panicking, I frantically looked around the house, admiring my bloody masterpiece.

How am I supposed to clean this up in a matter of minutes?

I dismissed the thought, determined to hide my destruction from whomever was coming through that door. I needed to be ready.

I cleaned and cleaned as much as I could but failed to notice my blood dripping everywhere until I turned around and looked down.

My couch had some red dots on it and my floor had a trail of blood leading up to me. I quickly ran up the stairs to change clothes and put on some gloves when I heard the doorbell.

My skin crawled.

Please don't call me crazy.

Please don't let him find out..

I rushed down the stairs, throwing towels everywhere. I didn't want him to see. I was so terrified. Eventually, the doorknob began to be fiddled with. I worked faster and shouted, "Don't come in yet! I'm coming!"

How do you fix a wall in five minutes?

I'll just have to make an excuse.

I was covering the couch when I had heard the door. I quickly turned around to see Hoseok. His eyes full of suspicion and worry.

Dammit. I forgot to get that key from him..

His eyes scanning the house and focusing intently on the pinkish wall with dents in them. Then onto the table where the bloody knife sat.

Dammit! I forgot about that..

His eyes slowly trailing over to me. Tears welling up in his eyes as he studied me. My hand on my arm giving me away as he soon approached me. I back up until I fell onto the couch, taking a towel that had been set to cover the blood with me.

"Leona.. Give me your hand.." He calmly said. I gave him me unwounded hand but he shook his head, asking for the other one. Shaking my head, I held it closer to me. He immediately grabbed me by my arm, causing me to wince in pain. The blood seeping into his hand.

His eyes got big as he immediately let go just to examine his hand.

"Leona!" his tears proceeding his cry as he grabbed my hand and pulled up my sleeve to reveal the big gash I was hiding. Tears streaming down his face, he went mad. Crying and screaming at me for being so reckless.

"Leona, you could have died! What the hell is wrong with you?"
"It was an accident, okay?"
"A damn huge blood bath of an accident!" He held my fave in his hands as he cried. "I Love You. Okay? I don't want anything to happen to you. Lets go." he said in attempt to drag me out the house.
"To where?"
"The hospital."
"No! Why do you care so much? You're getting married, remember?" He paused, turned back to look at me.
"No I'm not.. Not unless it's you.."

Time stood still. The waves of thunder crashing in my throat as I wanted to let out a scream.

His eyes approaching me.
His hands, soon, touching me. Lips loving me. It was what I wanted. I gave myself to him, not according to plan.

I gave myself to Hoseok..